


Rigor Samsa

by JediMazzie



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-16 15:48:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4631043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JediMazzie/pseuds/JediMazzie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Golly College AU: While trying to figure out her path, she starts a journey she never thought she would be on. Gail falls in love with Holly, but so does her best friend. Rated M due to drug use references and dark themes such as Ross Perik storyline being</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter I

An annoying squeal rattles Gail’s ears as her eyes open involuntarily. The bed is too thin and firm. Her whole body aches from the cheap mattress on top of a bunk in a tiny dorm room. She shoves the alarm clock off a ledge built on her bed as she gets up. 

“What the fuck?” a voice from below.

“Sorry. That thing is so loud and annoying.” 

Gail peeks over the ledge and looks down at the bed below. A head full of curly brown hair with green eyes looking back up at her. A hand creeps out of the blanket and the middle finger straightens up pointing at Gail.

“No thanks. You are not my type, Sage.” Gail scoffs as she climbs down the bunk and gets herself ready for the day. First day of classes at University of Toronto. First day of attempting to be a responsible college student. Gail has an Introduction to Criminology course first thing in the morning at 8, before two separate language studies courses in the afternoon. She is definitely not looking forward to this course as it is a compromise with her mother, so she can remain a Language Studies major. Her full ride scholarship is the only weapon she has against her mother for refusing to study Criminology or something similar. 

Gail walks to Sage’s bed and jolts it with her boot. Sage opens an eye and sneers “What? It better be something important…”  
“Don’t you have a class at 8 too? Juvenile and Punishment?”  
“Is it Monday already?”  
“Yes…”  
“Oh gimme five more minutes” mutters Sage as she turns around and drag blanket over her head. 

Gail shakes her head and decides to leave. Not her problem. Sage will be fine. Gail knows she will find a way to pass her courses while adhering to her “free spirit” lifestyle. They have been best friends since they met in freshman Biology class in high school. Sage may be bit out there, but she always has her back. Gail knows she owes her sanity to Sage and she is already used to Sage’s craziness at this point. Before Gail leaves the room, she readjusts the alarm clock and tosses it in Sage’s bed. 

 

Gail wanders along a walkway that leads to the building where her class is supposed to be. She is grateful for a small coffee cart parking nearby her dorm building so she can grab a cup although she is pissed about lack of doughnuts or even pastries. She sips coffee and sighs as it spreads warmth through her throat and chest. No way will she ever get through early mornings without this precious black elixir. 

The classroom for Intro to Criminology is surprisingly small with just twenty students sitting disjointly from each other. Gail knows she is pretty much a prickly hedgehog with awkward social skills, so she decides to sit way back with at least two desks apart from the nearest student. With ten minutes till class is scheduled to start, Gail takes out the textbook and skims through it even though she pretty much knows the information by heart. That tends to happen to people who are raised in police family, especially the Peck family with at least three generations of police officers. She is not sure if she wants to be a part of that, although she secretly enjoys learning about how to protect the underprivileged kids. There’s just something about helping those kids who have to face a harsh reality at such a young age. Learning different languages is a passion of hers though and she just soaks in new words like a sponge. Perhaps she will combine both and bring something new to policing. It is too early to think too much about her future right now as she sips that smooth dark liquid from her cardboard cup. 

A heavy textbook slams on the floor right by Gail and startles her. She turns around and burns her sight at the woman who is responsible for the book.

“Sorry, It just slipped from my arm. Are you taking Intro to Criminology? I hope I am in the right classroom.”

Gail nods with an unamused look on her face. 

The honey skinned woman slowly smirks on her left side and asks, "Mind if I sit next to you? I'm pretty clumsy and since I just embarrassed myself in front of you, I figure we're past the stranger phase already."

Gail really does not want anyone to sit near her, but there is just something about this woman that feels serene. Not that she will ever admit that out loud to anyone, especially her. She begrudgingly removes her backpack from the chair.  
“Well, you can sit here if you promise not to chit chat and make attempts to become best friends with me. I am definitely not one of those girly girls who gossip about cute boys in the class. I don’t even want to be here, so if you are looking for someone to gush with then sit somewhere else,” Gail rumbles. 

The woman simply laughs and sits down next to Gail, then pulls out a medical textbook and begins to read without a remark.  
“What is that book about? You do know this is criminology class not..” Gail looks at the textbook, “Corpse: Nature, Forensics, and Struggle to Pinpoint Time of Death? What are you studying? How to get away with murder?”  
Gail hears her chuckling and it sounds like music to her hears. She secretly wants to hear that all the time now. However, she will not admit to herself what it really means. Just something to enjoy during this boring class.  
“Well I thought you don’t do idle chit chat? I am studying forensic science. I am not sure if I want to be a forensic pathologist or an anthropologist or something else. I really enjoy learning about the decomposition process of corpses under different scenarios. I would love to see a body farm and see it happens in person,” she rambles.

“Whoa, whoa, why are you saying all these words? I simply asked you about the book and now you are spouting all these words about corpses and farms?” 

“Sorry I tend to word vomit. I’ll keep it short this time. I am Holly and a third year forensic science major,” Holly smiles and offers her hand. 

Gail does not take her hand. She does not like to touch people or be touched in general.  
“I’m Gail and a first year Language Studies major.”  
“Language Studies? How come you are taking this class?”  
“Let’s just say it is a compromise with the parental units.”  
Holly nods, accepting Gail’s vague explanation, and returns to her textbook. 

Gail leans back and starts to side-stare at Holly’s face as she reads the nerdy book. She notices a dark dot on Holly’s left cheek, near her ear. Gail’s heart ripples as she gazes at the mole that acts as a potential target for her lips. What is wrong with me? Gail shakes her head as the lecturer enters the room and the class resumes. 

 

Gail tosses her backpack on her desk and slumps next to Sage on her bed. Sage has a magazine flat on her lap and concentrates on making a nice row of herb in a thin rice paper with little purple grape images all over it.  
“Are you gonna share that? Today’s been shitty.” Gail complains.  
“Of course. Don’t you remember the first rule of secret pothead club? Well its we don’t talk about pothead club. Second rule is always share! Spread the love, baby.” Sage says as she twirls the paper into a nice, tight joint.  
Gail narrows her eyes at Sage as she laughs and lights up the joint.  
“Come on, open the window and light that candle over there, then I”ll let you have some.”  
“So much work.” Gail laments as she gets up anyway and heeds to Sage’s requests.  
“Well if you really don’t want, we can always get caught due to the smell and get arrested by your brother, or even better your mother!” Sage exclaims.  
Gail chuckles, “Yes that would be awesome. We could have fun being each others prison bitch.”  
“How did you convince your mom to let you room with me anyway?” Sage asks as she passes the joint to Gail.  
“Who said she knows? She probably just assumes I got a random roommate. It’s not like she will visit anyway. You know how important she thinks she is at the headquarters.” Gail mutters.  
Sage just laughs and lays back, then Gail joins next to her.  
“Thank to the Spirits it’s Friday. Pride hour tonight at Mac’s. You coming?”  
“Uh no.” Gail simply states as she passes the joint back.  
“Come on, we just survived the first week. Let’s go out and get loose. Find some pretty ladies to dance with… maybe take home for some more good times,” Sage nudges Gail’s side.  
“Still a no. First of all, I don’t do dancing. You already know that,”  
“Please… I need you by my side tonight. There is actually a girl I’m interested in. I met her at the Rainbow club couple nights ago. You were supposed to go with me by the way. Don’t think I forgot about that, you prick,”  
“Well I don’t really like people so…” Gail waves her hands sarcastically.  
“I’m broke-ass but I’ll buy your drinks tonight. That’s how important tonight is to me.”  
Gail turns her heads toward to Sage. It is not like Sage to cover drinks unless it is something important.  
“You really like that girl?”  
“Yeah, we talked for hours that night. She’s just gorgeous and brilliant. She’s into something sciencey. You gotta see her. Help me out and be my brave wing woman please.” Sage begs.  
“Alright. Alright. I’ll be there for you. Unlimited drinks. No limit.”  
“No limit” Sage promises and makes a cross on her heart with her index finger. 

This woman must be something special if Sage is nervous enough to need Gail by her side tonight. Normally, Sage absolutely has no problem picking up ladies and has a good time. She is full of charm and can come up with random topics to make good conversations out of thin air. Gail is quite the opposite of course. She is awkward around people and just does not bother trying to be nice to anyone. She just feels it is a waste of time when she’ll not meet those random chicks again. Gail begins to wonder if she can ever be confident enough to talk to Holly from her Criminology course. Now that woman is gorgeous! Gail has not said another word to her since the first day. She cringes in shame as she remembers how off putting she was to Holly that day. 

“What about you? Any girl that catches your eye?”  
Gail looks at Sage for a moment then looks back up at her bed above. Holly. Holly Stewart.  
“Nah. My standards are high, you know that.”  
Sage stares at her for a moment then shakes her head.  
“Bullshit. I know that face. Come on, tell me about her”  
Gail sighs and knows it’s futile to deny it. Sage knows her well. Too well.  
“Well, maybe, just maybe there is one in a class. I don’t know. She’s pretty. I know nothing about her though.”  
“Name? What she looks like?”  
“I dunno her name. She’s just pretty,” Gail lies.  
Sage laughs and gets up to smush the roach onto a metal ashtray.  
“Fine. I know you like to keep the details to yourself, Gail. Let’s go out and grab some grub before we hit the bar.”  
Sage walks to the bathroom to dispose of the roach in the toilet. Gail covers her eyes with her hands. She is not looking forward to mingling with strangers tonight. Although free booze always makes it easier for her to get through the night. She knows she got to be there for Sage, since she’s always got her back. Ever since that godawful summer after sophomore year in high school. Gail shudders as she tries to forget those painful memories. 

Time to change clothes and look hot as possible. One thing she is confident about herself is her looks. Might as well make the most out of tonight while Sage allures to her mystery girl.


	2. Chapter II

Gail and Sage stand in the entrance area of Mac’s, a replica of a supposedly famous Irish pub in Cork, and observe what’s happening in the room.  There are different types of Pride flags from rainbow to pastel, all representing beautiful variety of beings; hanging around the bar counter.  Most of the people are mingling and dancing in an area a step below from the bar.

“Ready to get our poison and see how tonight goes?” Sage asks.  
“Thought you would never ask! I need tequila stat.” Gail says sarcastically.  She has been in the room only for a minute and she already feels stiff being around so many people.  
“Well, take this and order us some. I gotta hit the powder room and brush myself up like the  proper lady I am supposed to be” Sage jokes and hands over some cash.  
Gail knows that Sage tends to use the bathroom as an excuse to pump herself up with some self talk before meeting someone she’s into.  
“Fine! Don’t be surprised if I end up drinking yours before you are done!”  
Sage simply smirks and walks away.

Gail sighs and begrudgingly slinks through maze of bodies well on their way to drunkenness.  As she gets near to the counter, she notices a dark haired woman leaning against the counter.  Her eyes immediately darts to the gorgeous mole. Holly. Gail’s shoulder tense up in nervousness.  Why do I have to see her before I even have a drop of alcohol?  Gail blows a short but strong breath. It is just a random encounter.  Nothing has to happen tonight.  All she needs to do is just to approach her and say hello.  Maybe offer to buy her a drink.  Simple right? Gail attempts to convince herself unconvincingly.  
Gail slowly walks up next to Holly and draws out a “Helllllooooo,” and mentally cringes at herself.  
Holly turns around and her eyes widens in surprise. Her lips slowly spread into a beaming smile  
“Hey,” Holly states.  
“Well, well. I’m surprised to see you here. Thought you would be drowning yourself into one of those corpse books”  
“And here you are. Don’t you hate people? Don’t do idle chit-chat right?” Holly shoots right back.  
For once Gail is stuck without any  snarky comments to throw back. That is the magic of Holly.  She is the only person that takes Gail’s strikes with such ease and is able to volley poetic comebacks in return. At least it is poetic to Gail.  
“I am here for alcohol actually. Can’t say no to free booze from a friend,” Gail explains.  
“Me too. Friday is my one free night to have fun. 6 days of studying and one day off. Kind of a personal sabbath I guess.”  
“Nerd.”  
Holly chuckles and shakes her head in amusement. The air between them is calm and free of tension.  They both lean back on the counter and observe the people on the dance  floor. Neither of them feel the need to say something at the moment.  Gail is in awe of how easy things are between Holly and her.  She takes a trip in her memory  to the three class sessions they shared this past week.  After the first meeting, they settled into an easy routine where they would just sit next to each other in silence.  Holly would always pull out some advanced medical or forensic textbook and use numerous highlighters to mark the important information.  Gail would sit back and casually watch her studying.  Every once in while, she would make a satirical comment about random students in the classroom.  Holly would quietly giggle and nod in agreement with most of her comments.

“So what do you think of that brunette girl with the snapback over there? Think she’s trying to be a Kristen Stewart clone?”  
Gail looks at Holly in puzzlement. Holly simply points her the in right direction towards the girl in question.  
Gail looks over and nods in agreement.  
“I’m surprised you can be mean, Holly.”  
Holly laughs and nudges Gail’s shoulder with her elbow. Gail simply grins back at her.  Gail can feel her confidence rising in her chest.  Perhaps it is time to go for what she wants.    
“Well Holly, can I buy you a-“ Gail begins to ask.  
“Hey Gail!” Sage hollers as she approach Gail.  
Gail gets annoyed at her friend for interrupting her.  
Sage looks over at Holly and moves over to her side.  
“Holly! Good to see you here.  You guys know each other?” Sage asks as she leans over to hug Holly.  She turns her head toward Gail and mouths “This is her.”  
Gail’s heart freezes for a moment.  Of course. Of fucking course, Holly is the one Sage is into.  Holly freaking Stewart! Gail closes her eyes in an attempt to erase what she just witnessed.

 

The sky is blanketed in dark clouds with rain pouring everywhere.  Sixteen years old Gail is running and trying to hold a overpacked backpack behind her.  Her hair, dyed in black, is plastered all over her face, so she wipes it off in order to see where she is going.  Everything is so messed up and it is all her fault.  She just can’t stay at home where her mother is.  She can’t be around her mother and have to see her face without remembering what happened.

A large van appears in a parking lot and Gail can see Sage loading bags in the back.  Gail slows down into a hesitant walk and approaches Sage with caution.  Sage turns around as she hears her footsteps, and stares at Gail quietly.  
“Hey”  
“Yeah?”  
Gail swallows a ball of guilt down her throat.  
“Are you heading down to the reservation for the summer?” Gail asks.  
“Yeah, why?”  
“Can I join you? I-I just can’t-“ Gail stutters.  
“Yeah, you don’t have to explain. Just throw your bag in here and we will head out in a minute.”  
Gail throws the backpack in the back without regard and climbs in the back seat of the van along with Sage. Gail makes sure there is distance between them and they wait for the others to climb in the van for the trip. Gail looks down at her hands and tries not to let out the watery beads in her eyes. Sage sits in silence and stares through the window deep in thought.  
“I’m sorry…” Gail spurts quietly.  
“Huh?”  
“I’m sorry about your brother… I really didn’t mean to-“  
“Stop. Just stop right there.  We both know it is not you. It’s your mother.  You are powerless just like rest of us.” Sage maintains sternly and looks back at the window, ending the conversation.  
 Gail looks back down at her hands and starts to cry in disbelief. In that moment, Gail knewshe owes Sage everything and will never take their newly strengthened friendship for granted.

 

“Gail? Yo? You here?” Sage asks as she waves her hands in front of Gail’s face.  
“Oh, sorry.”  
“You alright? You totally spaced out there for a minute.”  
“Yeah I’m fine.”  
“Well how did you meet Holly?” asks Sage  
“Oh we have the same class, Intro to Criminology,” Holly answers for Gail.  
“Ah that explains.”

Gail stays quiet as she processes the whole situation happening in front of her.  Sage is standing in between of Holly and her.  Game over, Gail.  She absolutely cannot be the asshole and ask Holly out.  Sage has been through so much and deserves every ounce of happiness that comes her way.  She has been there for Gail in her darkest moments and remains her best friend in spite of what happened to her brother.  Gail already took away her brother, so she cannot take away Holly too.  That goes against everything Gail believes in.  If there is one thing she follows without hesitation, it is absolute loyalty. She needs to do something to stop what she is feeling at the moment.  

“Well my work is done here. I’m going to head over to the girl I’ve been checking out,” Gail states and slip the cash back to Sage. Gail whispers to Sage, “Take it and buy her drinks. I’m fine by myself.”  
“What? No I am covering drinks for you. Don’t worry about it.”  
“Forget it.” Gail states and walks away.   

Gail walks over to the Kristen Stewart clone and asks if she can buy her drinks tonight.  The girl nods her head and Gail looks back at the bar counter.  She sees Holly stares in puzzlement and Sage ordering drinks for them. That’s how things should be.

 

After more than couple trips to the counter for rounds of drinks, Gail is bumping against the girl.  Claire is her name. Perhaps it was Charlie? Gail is not sure and is beyond drunk to care really.  She is pretty sure it is Claire though. The air is becoming suffocating and she feels overheated.    
“Hey, I’m going out to cool off for a minute,” Gail informs her dancing partner and walks away without waiting for her reply.  She looks over at the counter, forgetting at the moment that Sage and Holly are still there, and sees them having animated conversation.  Gail sighs and decides she needs yet another shot of Cuervo to get through the night.  She finds a empty space on the other side, far away from the couple that are breaking her heart. She stumbles upon the counter and holds on for her dear life.  The bartender approaches her in concern.

“Hey, double shot of Cuervo please.”  
“I think you had enough for tonight ma’am.”  
“What? Come on. The night is young.”  
“Yes the night may be young, but you still had more than enough. Let me call a cab for you.”  
“What makes you think I’m going home alone? I can-“ Gail is about to argue.  
“Gail, stop. Come on. What’s going on?” Sage interrupts and holds Gail’s shoulder.  
“Nothing, I just want some tequila. You know that’s my favorite poison”  
“Seriously Gail. You’re wasted.  Is that how you want to impress that girl?”  
“What girl? She’s just someone to dance with.”  
“Dance? You don’t do dancing. You always told me that.”  
“Look. I’m having fun. You always told me to go out there and have fun. That’s what I’m doing.”

Gail brush Sage’s hands off and stumbles away.  Gail knows Sage knows there is something wrong, but she is running away from her.  There is absolutely no way she will ever let Sage find out about her feelings toward Holly.  Gail spots Claire sitting on a bar stool with couple shots full of gold liquid. Gail smiles a little and heads over there to end her night into oblivion so she does not have to feel the pain anymore.  Not tonight.


	3. Chapter III

A jarring sunlight stabs Gail’s closed eyes as she gains conscious.  Waves of nausea overwhelm her stomach and her mouth feels like a furry cavern. She moves slowly over on her side.  Wait a minute.  The pillow is way too thick and fluffy.  The blanket is thick and fuzzy.  Gail hates fuzzy blankets.  This bed definitely does not feel like her bed.  Gail opens an eye and notices the blanket is full of primary colors.  Definitely not her blanket, which is black and thin.  She looks at the pillow and it has a cover full of vine imagery all over it.  

Where am I? What happened last night?

Slowly she gets up in a sitting position and rests her back on the wall.  Gail observes the room in attempt to figure out where she is.  The wall by the bed is full of paintings and mixed media.  There is a desk at the bottom of the bed that is cluttered with tubes of paint, paintbrushes, papers, and some other things she can’t identify.  On the other side of the room, there is another bed and Gail could see two heads on separate pillows.  She studies one of the faces and recognizes her from last night.  She is the Kristen Stewart clone she danced with.  Claire or something.  Gail finds it interesting she is sleeping with the other girl, probably her roommate, instead of with her.  Guess chivalry is not dead after all.  She is relieved the girls are asleep, so she can sneak out without facing social discomfort.  She slowly gets off the bed and is relieved to still be wearing her clothes from last night.  Major problem… her phone is not in her pocket and her room key is nowhere to be found.  

This is not good at all.  At all.

Gail sneaks over to the unkempt desk and searches in vain for her items.  Nowhere to be found.  Gail sighs and looks at the sleeping beauties in the bed.  Looks like she is going to have to wake up one of them to ask for her stuff and leave as fast as she can.  The thought of having to deal with this makes her sick to her stomach.  Her head is throbbing with pain as well.  The hangover is not helping either. She groans and sulks over to the bed where the seemingly roommates are.  

“Uh.. Hey?” Gail hesitates.

Silence.

“Hey get up.”

Both are not moving at all.

Gail sighs again and decides to prod the Kristen Stewart clone on her head. Finally she starts to stir and blinks her eyes open.  She slowly smirks and brings out her right hand out to wave at Gail.

“I didn’t want to wake you but I need my phone and keys to head out.  My headache is splitting my head open right now and I just want to go. Where is my stuff?” Gail babbles rapidly.

The girl blinks at her and holds her index finger out, gestures for her to wait a minute and sits up on the edge of the bed.  She picks up a pair of hearing aids from the nightstand next to the bed. Gail’s eyes becomes bigger in realization.  

Oh. She is deaf.

The deaf girl looks back at Gail and speaks in high pitch voice, “Sorry, I didn’t understand you earlier.  You are talking way too fast for me.  I just got up so give me a break.”

“Oh, sorry I didn’t realize you’re deaf.”

“No biggie.  I take it you didn’t remember much of last night.”

Gail looks down for a second in embarrassment.

“I actually know sign language.  Do you use that?” Gail inquires.

“Like I told you last night, yeah I do,” the girl chuckles and switches to signing, “I actually prefer to talk like this. More natural.”

“Okay, I am rusty. Haven’t signed since sophomore year in high school,” Gail signs clumsily.

“Yeah you told me that. Last night.  Again, you don’t remember.”

“God, this is embarrassing.”

“Do you even remember my name?”

“Um. C-L-A-I-R-E?” Gail spells out.

“Close but no cigar. It’s C-I-A-R-A.”

“I’m sorry-“ Gail attempts to apologize.

“It’s fine.  You were pretty wasted.  Don’t worry, you were not hard to handle.  You were pretty obedient actually.”

Gail scoffs and asks, “May I have my key please?”

“Sure.”

Ciara gets up and walks over to a small cabinet under the desk and grabs Gail’s key out of the first drawer.

“Here you go.”

“Thanks. I’m gonna go,” signs Gail as she turns and trips over something on the floor.

There is bunch of wires and disassembled boxes all over the floor between Ciara’s roommate’s bed and the front door.  Ciara walks over and helps Gail get up on her feet. 

“What the hell are those?” Gail snaps.

“Old FM systems. I took them apart for a project.” Ciara explains.

“FM system? As in radio?”

“Nah. It’s like ancient technology for deaf kids to wear in classrooms so the teachers feel like the kids can hear them. Waste of time if you ask me.”

Gail blinks her eyes and is unsure what to say in response. Ciara shrugs her shoulders and walks to the door.

“Well, I’m sure you want to get out of here.”

“Yes. Bye.”

Gail walks out of the room quickly and takes a couple of steps before she realizes she still doesn’t have her cellphone.  She growls in frustrations and walks back to the door.  She knocks the door but realizes that Ciara is deaf so probably can’t hear the knocks well.  This day is not starting out well for Gail thus far.  She notices a little white post it above a doorbell button that says, “Press here if you need one of us.”

Must be some kind of assistive device hooked up to the doorbell, Gail muses to herself as she presses the button.  After few moments, the door is open and Ciara appears with an amused grin on her face.  

“Forgot something?” Ciara asks as she hands over Gail’s cellphone.

“Yes” Gail admits as she grabs it quickly.

“My number is in there if you want to brush up your ASL skills. Remember to text, NOT call,” Ciara offers before she closes the door without waiting for Gail’s response.

Gail stands there for a minute and is unsure whether to be offended by Ciara’s action or admires her for being assertive.  She has a feeling they will either become great friends or end up trying to murder each other.

 

Finally, Gail arrives at the door of her dorm room.  All she wants at the moment is her bed and the nagging headache to fade away.  Today is such an odd day for Gail.  She is still unsure if she just made a new friend with Ciara earlier this morning.  She shakes her head to get rid of deep thoughts as she does not want to deal with feelings today.  

As she enters the key into the keyhole, the door opens swiftly.  Gail is startled by Sage’s face sternly staring at her.

“Where the hell have you been? You disappeared at the pub and didn’t tell me where you went.  I was fucking worried about you, you asshole!”

“Jeez not so loud Sage! Your voice is like a sledgehammer jamming my head,” Gail growls and pushes Sage aside so she can get in the room.

“Well, whose fault is that? Certainly not mine.”

Gail is about to climb up to get on her bed, but changes her mind and just collapses on Sage’s bed instead.  Sage sits by her and hands over already lit up joint to her.

“You’re lucky I just lit this baby up and I am nice enough to share with you even though I’m pissed at you.”

“Coffee would make it perfect,” Gail grumpily moans.

“I am not that nice. Get some yourself.”

“I did what you asked me to last night. I was your wing woman.”

“Some wing woman you are! You disappeared on me as soon as I saw you with Holly.”

“So? I did my job. I found her for you and left you both alone to have some good times.  What am I supposed to do? Stay there and be a third wheel? Fuck that.”

What Gail really means is she’s anguished about Holly being someone she absolutely cannot be attracted to.  She is off limits now and Gail needs to put a Grand Canyon sized space between them to get over her growing feelings.  

“Speaking of good times, did you leave with that girl you danced with?”

“Huh? Oh Ciara. Yeah she took me to her place.”

“Did something happen? I hope she didn’t take advantage of you. I’ll destroy her,” Sage exclaims as she stands up.

“No. She was a gentlewoman actually.  I slept in her bed… she slept with her roomie in the other bed.”

Sage’s face softens as she sits back down next to Gail. A moment passes as they share the dwindling joint.

“Yeah? Sounds like a nice girl.  You into her for real?”

“No. You know I don’t do relationships.  I’m not girlfriend material.”

Sage sighs in frustration.

“Look Gail. I’m not saying you gotta jump in a serious relationship.  I’m just asking if you’re into her.  It’s okay to spend time with someone you like for fun.  Doesn’t have to be anything serious.”

Gail just shrugs and looks away from Sage.  Gail knows Sage can figure her out by looking straight in her eyes.  Gail is an expert in building a deadpan face, but the saying goes like this: The eyes are windows to one’s soul.

Sage decides to nudge Gail to give her some room to lay next to her.  Gail moves over a little but continues to look at the wall and away from Sage’s observant eyes.

“Speaking of last night, I had a great time with Holly.  She is such an incredible girl. So freaking smart.  We actually talked about indigenous burial grounds.  Of course I told her about the cultural and spiritual aspects, while she blurted about the sciencey stuff.  Something about the bones and how it’s different from other people,” Sage gushes.

Gail shuts her eyes in irritation. She already know all that about Holly.  She knows Holly is brilliant and passionate about her field.  She cannot stand listening to Sage being lovey-dovey about Holly for another second.

“Stop. Just stop talking.  You’re so gross.  Being all mushy is just disgusting,” Gail scowls.

Sage laughs in amusement and pokes Gail in her side.

“Poor Gail, you just can’t stand talking about feelings.  Nothing happened between us… yet.  I’m hoping to see her more at the Pride group meetings, and maybe ask her out.  I’m still not sure if she is into me though.”

“Whatever.  I’m sure your charm works just fine. I’m gonna nap. Your voice is still jabbing at my head so go away.”

“Fine. Fine. I gotta head out anyway.”

Finally Sage leaves the room and Gail does not have to deal with her talking on and on about the gorgeous brunette. Gail has absolutely no idea how she is going to deal with sharing same class with her.  The only option is to be an mean bitch and stay the hell away from her so no one can find out how she truly feels.


	4. Chapter IV

Gail leans against the wall next to the door to the classroom for Introduction to Criminology.  Today is the day.  Gail gets to see Holly and for a second she gets excited.  However, she remembers immediately that she must follow her plan of avoiding Holly as much as possible.  She knows that Holly is in the classroom already as she always arrives with at least ten minutes to spare and will be waiting for Gail to sit next to her.  Normally, Gail would walk in not long after Holly and nurse her cup of coffee in silence while Holly studies.  That is a comforting moment for both as they enjoy each other’s company without feeling compelled to say something.  Sadly, Gail knows it must stop now, before her feelings get too obvious for anyone to see, especially Holly and Sage.  The stoic Peck armor enshrouds her face as she prepares herself to enter the classroom with only a minute left.  

Gail slowly open the door without making any noise and sneaks in the room.  She can see Holly sitting in her usual seat, reading a book with a serious expression.  She peeks over to the empty desk, her desk, and notices a travel mug on it.  Holly must have bought some coffee for Gail.  Why does she have to be so nice? That makes it more difficult for Gail to execute her plan right now.  She decides to take advantage of the fact Holly is unaware of her presence and takes in her appearance.  Holly is wearing a simple dark red t-shirt and denim jean tucked in brown boots.  God, she looks really great in red.  Holly turns around and catches Gail in the eyes as if she can feel Gail staring at her.  Gail freezes and is unsure what to do.  All she can do is to drown herself in Holly’s soulful chocolate eyes.  Stop staring, Gail.  You’re a Peck so shake it off and stick to the plan! Gail shakes her head to get herself out of the Holly’s inspired self hypnosis.  

Gail slides along the wall to the last row of desks away from where Holly sits and quickly picks a seat that is as far away as possible.  What she fails to realize is that she is sitting next to one of the most annoying classmates in this course.  Holly and she would mock this guy for being egotistical even though he barely knows anything about the course materials being discussed in the class sessions. Of course Gail just has to pick the seat next to this idiot.  Just as she is about to get up to go to a different seat, the professor enters the classroom to begin the session.  Great, she is stuck.  

“Hey there lovely.  What’s your name?” the idiot suavely asks.

“Stop talking. Don’t say another word to me and I won’t stab you in your eye with my pencil,” Gail growls.

He simply swallows his nervousness and looks away like the obedient schoolboy he really is.  Gail rolls her eyes and decides to sneak a side peek over to where Holly is.  Holly is already staring at her with confusion and hurt in her face.  Gail is already several minutes into her plan and she already hates every single minute of it.  She is not sure if she can endure any longer and is about to look over and maybe mouth an apology to Holly.

“Class, last week we went over key vocabulary and different units from the textbook.  Today I will split you all in pairs for your semester-long project.  Each pair will be assigned a certain demographic group and at the end of the semester you will do a major presentation about how each unit affects the group and what needs to be improved upon to provide fair justice.  I will be picking randomly from this vase with all of your names.  I will not accept any complaints or desired changes, so be prepared to work with whoever you are assigned to.”

Gail groans in disgust.  She cannot stand group projects and she hates everyone in the class, except for Holly.  Holly is the last person on earth she would work with though.  That will smash her plan in bits and she will not be able to do anything about.  Gail mentally says a prayer that she will not be assigned to work with Holly as the professor announce partners. So far he already mentions four pairs.  There are twenty students including herself, so that means six left.  

“Holly Stewart…”

Gail begs whoever is up there if there is indeed someone bigger out there to intervene and make sure her name is not called.

“And… Gail Peck. You both will work together. “

Shit. Shit. It is confirmed.  She is meant to suffer in this life.  Gail’s cheeks flush in redness and she just cannot look at Holly out of embarrassment.  She really wants to murder her professor and might ask Holly to help her bury the body if she is not already ashamed of her behavior.  How the hell is she supposed to avoid Holly now that they have to do a project together?  A semester long project!

“Alright, those who are to left of their partner, please go and sit with your partner. I will go by each pair and hand out a folder.  You will find all of the information you need on your demographic group.  Again, no complaints or switching the folders. You all got to deal with what you get like you would in real world.”

Gail lets out a long sigh and slowly gets up, since she is the one to the left of Holly.  Slowly, she sulks back to her “old” seat next to Holly without looking at her face.  She does not want to see Holly upset like she knows she will be.  Gail flops down on the chair and stays silent because she does not know what to say.  The atmosphere between them is beyond awkward and Gail cringes as Holly watches her.

“So… is everything okay?”

“Just peachy.”

“Did I do something wrong? You acted differently since the other night at that bar.”

“Nope.  This is how I am.  I already told you I hate people.”

“And I am one of those now?”

Gail remains silent.  She cannot find it in herself to be that cruel to Holly.  Truthfully, Holly has not done anything to warrant the treatment, so Gail decides that silence is the best answer she can give at the moment.  

“So you won’t tell me.  That’s okay.  Guess we will keep it strictly professional today,” Holly says as she takes the folder and pulls out the papers.

Gail simply grunts and watches Holly put down the papers in orderly fashion.  Gail’s heart clenches in fear as she reads the demographic group they are covering.

Indigenous People.

Fuck, the world is against Gail.  Of all possible groups, why do they have to do their project on them?  All of a sudden Gail could not breathe and shuts her eyes.  A blast from a dark past pops up in her head.  

Gail is sitting on a bench in the Toronto Police 15 Station and it is late into the night, technically it’s morning since it is 4am.  She hears footsteps coming out of the door and she turns around to the source.  She sees Sage’s older brother, Brenly, walking out of the interrogation room.  He is tall and slender and wears his long raven hair proudly in a couple of thin braids.  He doesn’t notice Gail’s presence yet, so Gail decides to stand up and holler “Brenly!”

Brenly hears Gail and looks over quietly.  He stops walking for a minute and stares sadly at Gail.  Police officers are walking around without paying attention to either of them.  Gail never felt so small and powerless in her life.  She wants so badly to tell the officers the actual truth.  However, her fear of her mother is holding her back from saying anything.  A detective comes out of the interrogation room and pushes Brenly to start walking again.  Brenly obliges and nods in Gail’s direction before walking to his caged fate.   Gail slumps back on her chair and feels sick to her stomach.  For the first time in her life, she is truly ashamed of her family name.  Peck is tarnished with corruption and white privilege and there is nothing Gail can do about that right now and perhaps not ever.  

“Gail?”

Holly softly touches Gail’s shoulder and startles Gail out of her flashback.  Gail stood up abruptly and walks out of the classroom.  She just cannot deal with the feelings gnashing in her chest and she desperately need some air.  

Gail bursts out of the building and strides down the courtyard.  She finds a huge maple tree with thick branches creating large circle of cool shade, a retreat as she sits by the trunk.  She bends up her knees and put her head down between them in her attempt to calm down.  As she takes a deep breath, she feels a soothing presence sitting next to her.  A soft touch gently brushes Gail’s back and she can feel herself begin to calm down.  Her heart is returning to normal rhythm and tension is smoothing out of her body.  Gail peeks over her knee and realizes the person sitting next to her is Holly.  Holly gives her a small smile and continues to rub Gail’s back.  They remains like this for a little while under protection of the tree and away from rest of the world.

“Gail, you okay now?  I brought your bag here,” Holly whispers.

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

Holly nods her head in acceptance and takes out one of her textbooks to read.  Gail watches her in disbelief.  Holly does not even ask her why she freaked out earlier in the classroom and practically had a panic attack moments ago.  It is as if she knows how to handle Gail’s prickly self with ease.  Gail sighs as she feels her heart beating strongly for Holly.  In that moment, Gail really wants to brush Holly’s lush lips with hers, and let her know how she makes her feel at peace.  This is not part of the plan.  Gail internally tells herself to shake it off and gets up suddenly.  Holly looks up in concern, and Gail turns around so Holly cannot see her face.

“Thanks for the bag, Holly.  See you in class on Wednesday,” Gail says coldly and walks away without waiting for Holly’s response.


	5. Chapter V

What a shitty day.  Gail slumps on her bed in misery.   Nothing has gone right at all for her today.  She arrived to her language ethics course late and the professor screamed her head off.  That Russian lady is extremely anal about being in control of every single detail of class and that includes students’ attendance.  She would kick out any student who comes to class without textbook or being prepared without exceptions.  Gail is fortunate to simply get yelled at instead of kicked out. The screaming gives her a massive headache so Gail doesn’t bother grabbing lunch before heading back to the dorm room.  Five minutes later, her stomach is an unruly beast out for food.

The Imperial March begins playing on Gail’s cellphone.  

Gail’s neck tenses up and she grabs her pillow to cover her ears.  Mother.  Just when she thinks her day cannot get any worse.  She leaves the phone ringing and hopes that her mother will leave a voicemail like usual for her to ignore.  

“Gail, why aren’t you picking up the phone?  I want to hear all about the Criminology course you are taking.  It should be the easiest course for you since we already taught you everything you need to know.  I expect you to put most of your effort toward that class over others and you really need to start reconsidering your major.  You already have a future in policing career so don’t take that for granted.  I expect to hear you soon about family dinner. Perhaps this Sunday? I am sure Steve can pick you up or maybe I will.”

That surely sounds like a veiled threat in the end there.  It has only been a couple weeks into Gail’s first semester in college and her mother is already starting to pile pressure on her about her career, future, and what she is supposed to do for the Peck family.  She’s been trained rather than raised to be a Peck and honestly she does not know anything else.  That is the main reason why she wants to at least try something not Peck-like for once in her life.  She already tried to give justice a shot once that summer, and it certainly didn’t go so well.

Gail exhales a heavy breath of burden.  Her cell phone rings again.  However, this time it is The Avengers theme ringtone.  Gail quickly crawls out of the bed and down the steps to grab her phone off the desk.

“Hey loser”

“Hey snail”

“Really? That’s all you can come up with? That’s really lame, even for you, Steve.”

“And loser is original?”

“It suits you perfectly, and there is nothing wrong with going for a classic.”

“So how’s college life going for you?”

“Cut the chase.  Did mother make you call?”

Steve sighs.  “Yes, and you better answer next time or she’s going to do a surprise visit.  She’s been asking me about which room you live in and who’s your roommate. “

“You didn’t tell her right?”

“Of course I claimed ignorance.  I told her  your roommate wasn’t there when I helped you move in.”

“Good. I don’t need her to get on my back about that.  She’s already done that enough with my classes and stuff.”

“Look, I know our mother is not exactly warm, but she just wants the best for you that’s all.”

“No, she wants what is the best for the family.  Everything she does is to make the Peck name look like gold.”

“And what’s wrong with that? Certainly makes our life easier.  We can get job stability, money’s good, and women love hot cops.”

“And that’s why you are a loser.”

“I’m simple. Easy to please. Ain’t no shame in that.  You think too hard sometimes, Gail.  Relax and enjoy the life while you can.  You gotta give into Mother sometimes.  Keep things in balance and you will be fine. Pick you up this Sunday for the Peck dinner?”

“Fine.” Gail hangs up and tosses her phone across the desk.  She loves her brother, but sometimes he just does not understand her feelings.  She is not sure if he truly wants to be a cop, but he accepts his fate with no doubt. Secretly, she is envious of him for being the prodigy son of the family, while she is more of a black sheep.  She collapses in the chair and puts her head face down on the desk.  This day absolutely cannot get any more worse now… can it?

The phone beeps this time as if on cue.  No ringtone so probably a text message, but from whom?  Gail decides to brave it again and lazily reaches for the phone on the edge.  She unlocks the code without looking, then peeks to see who sent the text. It’s from a number she does not recognizes, but it is local area code.  Curiosity gets the best of Gail so she decides to open the message.

“Hello Gail,  it’s Holly from Criminology class.  I got your number from Sage. Hope you don’t mind.  I figure it would be easier to talk like this and set up meetings for the project.  We should meet soon before Monday so we can delegate the tasks.  -H”

At first, Gail becomes a little giddy at the fact that she has Holly’s number.  She becomes peeved next moment because she realizes that Sage had her number first.  She realizes that Sage passed along her number without her permission, so she becomes angry.  She ignores the fact leaving abruptly last time she saw Holly probably is the reason why she had to ask Sage for the digits.  Her chest becomes hot and fuming with anger, because nothing has gone right all day long.  She has had more than enough things not go the way she wants.  

“Hey you hungry? Let’s grab some grub and eat outside. It’s sunny and gorgeous!” Sage exclaims as she enters the room.

“Fuck off Sage.  You just had to go and give out my number like confetti.  Goddamnit I’m so sick of this!” Gail stands up and the chair clatters on the floor.

“Whoa, simmer down white girl. What are you talking about?”

“Holly.”  Gail stares sternly.

“Oh that.  Well, I saw her earlier for lunch and she asked for it.  She said she needs to contact you about a project you’re doing together.  I figure you forgot or something.  What’s the big deal?”

“That’s not the point.  You should’ve asked.”

Sage scans Gail’s face in search for emotional signs.  Gail recognizes what Sage is doing, so she looks away, hiding her face from Sage’s eyes.

“Seriously, Gail.  What happened today?”

“It’s nothing.  Just a bad day of classes.” Gail dismisses Sage’s concern.

“Did Holly piss you off or something?”

Gail abruptly turns her head to Sage.  Yes, she is frustrated about the whole project thing with Holly, but Sage cannot know that.  “No. It’s got nothing to do with Holly.”

“It’s your mother eh?  Did you see her?”

“No.” Gail pauses for a moment and shrugs in defeat.  “She called.  Left a message.”

Sage’s face softens in understanding and pulls Gail to sit with her on her bed.  Gail ends up laying on the bed instead.  

“So is your mother bitching at you as usual?”

“Yeah.  Mostly about my futile future.  Kept hinting that I should just follow in her footsteps and stick to policing.  She even called Steve to convince me to go over for dinner this Sunday.”

“Well, just go.  It’s only for a couple hours and hey, free food.  You can’t say no to that.”

“True. “ Gail sighs and turns over to lay on her stomach.  “I’m just tired, Sage.  I spent first sixteen years of my life believing in my mother’s plan for me without any hesitation.  Now, I can’t do that anymore. I just want to be me and do what I believe to be right, but that is not good enough for my family.”

Sage puts her hand on Gail’s shoulder.  “Well you’re doing pretty good right now.  You’re majoring in something you’re good at.  You pick up languages like a sponge.”

Gail raises her eyebrows in amusement. “Sponge? How original, Sage.”

“Hey, you smiled at that.  Even if it’s just a little.  That’s my job as your Tonto.”

Even though the Holly thing is hurting, Gail knows it is worth it.  Sage just gets her and always support her in whatever she wants to do.   

“Holly actually told me what the project is about.”

“Oh.”

“Gail, I know what happened is still on your conscience.  I know it still hurts.  I’m still furious about it.  I won’t tell you how to feel and what to do about it.  But… maybe you should think of this thing as an opportunity.  You tried to do the right thing and it got all fucked up by your mother.  Maybe this time you could plant some small seeds and sit back.  Watch it grows.  Maybe it will become something big and the world will change.  Maybe it won’t and everything will remains the same.  At least in the end you can say you did all you could.  That’s all that matters.”

“Fuck Sage, when did you become the wise one like your grandmother?”

Sage laughs.  “Well I gotta wise up sooner or later. What are you doing after dinner tonight?  There’s a softball game going on.  The pride group is looking for more players.  Holly’s gonna be there.  I gotta play and look good!  Join me so I’ll look good next to you.”

“Hello? Remember I hate people.  Even our high school gym teacher automatically assigned me to be the scorekeeper because I’m not a team player.”  And no way is Gail going to be there to watch Sage and Holly flirt with each other.

“Alright. Alright.  I know that. You hungry?”

“Not really.  Just go.”

“You sure you alright? I can cancel and chill with you.”

“And moan about not seeing Holly? Gross.”

“Fine. I’m going.  Be a good kid!” Sage gets up and leaves the room.

Gail scoffs at Sage’s comment as she slowly sits up.  Her mother’s words still nagging in her head, while her own self doubt is growing in her heart.  Is she really making the right choice?  Gail is not so sure about it, but one thing she knows for sure is she does not want to be alone tonight.  She does not really have friends other than Sage, and she’s busy with the softball and surely charming Holly too.  She won’t call Steve either because she’s still upset at him for not understanding her perspective.  Holly obviously is way off limits and will be at the game anyway.  Who else?

Ciara.

Gail remembers her words about texting her when she wants to improve her fluency in ASL.  Well, she has nothing to lose by sending out a text, so she sends out one before she heads out to the lobby area for some cheese puffs from the vending machine.  Cheese puffs should suffice for now.

Gail notices a blue light blinking from her phone after she returns.  That usually means text message.  She enters the code to open her phone and reads the message:

“Meet me in room 2701 at Booth. I’ll be there all night long, so keep me company!”

Booth? Gail doesn’t recognize the building name so she checks it out on campus map app.  It is an arts building behind the administration building.  She has not been there since orientation week, and it is on the other side of the campus from the buildings her classes are at.  It is going to be a long walk, but Gail does not mind because she needs time to get herself together before she sees Ciara.  Ciara must not see her being weak and unsure of herself.  Gail does not want to get pity from anyone, especially someone she barely knows in first place.

 

Gail wanders along down the hallway on the second floor.  The white walls serve as blank canvas supporting various art students’ artworks being displayed.  One piece in particular catches Gail’s eye and she stops to observes the work in front of her.  It is an image manipulation with a thick mechanical looking frame.  The teenaged girl has her mouth opened with straight black line from both corners of the mouth down to bottom of the chin, two mysterious hands covering both of her eyes, and her ears are unproportionally large with dry cracks. Gail looks down to the girl’s actual hands wrapped with ropes and lay on her stomach.  It is as if the girl is trapped and being controlled by someone invisible.  Gail feels a nudge on her arm and looks around to see Ciara standing next to her with a proud smile on her face.

“Like what you see?”

“It’s impressive.  Whoever made this is really good.”

Ciara points toward a small sign next to the frame and it reads, “Broken Puppet by Ciara Coughlan. Fulton Exhibit Gold Winner”

“That is my piece from an exhibit over the summer.  I almost didn’t get in, but my advisor and I fought for admission and I got it.  Never been so angry and proud at the same time before.”

“Why didn’t they let you in in the first place?”

“Well, normally they won’t allow freshman submissions due to inexperience, but one of the professors was really impressed with this piece and wanted to give me an exception.  However, the old farts, who run the show, didn’t want to deal with providing accommodations for poor little deaf girl.  Little did they know I raised hell and threatened to sue the shit out of them for violating my rights.”  Ciara chuckles.

Gail nods in impression of Ciara’s bold assertion.  

“Come on.” Ciara hooks Gail’s arm with hers and drags her to a small studio down at the end of the hallway.  

The studio is so messy.  There are bunch of unfinished canvas of various sizes leaning against almost all of the walls.  A long wooden table is stationed right in the middle and it has a huge pail filled with grey liquid.  Next to it is a cardboard box full of ripped newspapers.  Gail realizes it is for making paper maché and she notices a weird looking bust with bunch of random electronic wires spread around it.  She recognizes the wires from old FM equipment Ciara takes apart in her room the other day.

“Those were in your room the other day weren’t they?”

“Yeah, it’s for a project I’m working on right now.  I’m hoping to get it done at some point tonight… most likely in the morning.”

“Pulling an all nighter?”

“Yes. I work best under pressure.  Pulls out my feelings from deep inside. I just find it easier to face myself in the middle of night when nobody’s looking.”

“So, what am I doing here then?”

“I don’t know.  You asked what I am doing tonight.  This is it.  Feel free to do what you want here.  Actually, I have one blank canvas you can use.” Ciara walks to pick up a 30”x 40” blank canvas and puts it on an easel standing in a corner away from the table.  She brings out several cans of different color paints and hands a thick paintbrush to Gail.

“What?” Gail stares in puzzlement.

Ciara just laughs and put the paintbrush in Gail’s hand.  “It’s for you.  Go ahead. Dip it in a can.  Pick a color that represents a feeling you want to let out of yourself.  Throw it at the canvas.”

“What makes you think I want to do that?  I’m not an artist and I left finger painting back in my preschool days.”

“It’s got nothing to do with artistic talent.  You obviously got something going on in your pretty mind.  It’s your chance to throw ‘em out.  Consider it a therapy of some kind.”

“I don’t need therapy, thank you.  I’m not depressed.”

“Look, I’m not asking you to vent out to me or anything like that.  I’m definitely not a therapist. I’m too crazy for that shit.  I saw you looking at that picture I made.  Your eyes tell me you can relate to it.  I won’t ask why.  I just know you feel trapped by something, so here’s your chance to let it go. Even if it’s just for tonight.  Just my suggestion.  Do whatever you want.  That canvas is yours. “  Ciara pats Gail’s shoulder and walks back to her paper maché station and starts working away.  

Gail watches Ciara working for few minutes and considers her suggestion.  Today has been a shitty day and she is full of messy feelings that she does not want to deal with.  Therapy is definitely out of question.  She can barely talk to herself about her own feelings let alone talking to a stranger in a boring office.  She picks up the paintbrush and figures it would not hurt to give this a shot.  She looks at the paint cans.  Forest green, cerulean blue, onyx black, burgundy, and dark purple among others.  The dark purple and onyx black speak to Gail and she decides to dip her brush in the dark purple can.  She raises it a little and watches the paint dripping off the edge of the brush.  Purple is one of her mother’s favorite colors and she always tries to persuade Gail into wearing more purple as it supposedly looks good on her.  Gail whips the paintbrush at the canvas and a splatter of purple diagonally spread across the canvas.  She releases a small breath of relief and repeats the process over again and again.  

Both Ciara and Gail are in their own world and work in silence all night long.


	6. Chapter VI

Gail bursts through the classroom door and is relieved to see the professor has not arrived yet.  She takes a deep breath in order to calm down her racing heart.  She freezes as she looks at Holly staring back at her.  She hesitates about where to sit and she is not hiding it from Holly well.  The professor requires all partners to sit together in the class for the semester, so Gail knows she has to go and take her old seat back.  She sighs and sulks over to the chair next to Holly and slumps down. The air between them is filled with awkwardness and Gail is not sure what to say or do to resolve the situation.

“Sick of the suave dude over there already?” Holly asks in her attempt to ease the tension between them.

“Ugh, a second of sitting next to him is already too much for me.  Besides it is not as if I have any choice in where I sit anyway,” Gail retorts.

“True. Don’t worry, I will just sit here with my book open and do my thing.  You can sit right there and complain about how dumb our classmates are and I’ll just listen,” Holly smirks at Gail and gazes directly in her eyes.  

Gail slowly smiles, but becomes puzzled as she notices Holly studying all over her face.  Holly puts her finger in her mouth to moisten it and Gail feels a fire burning in her stomach.  Holly gently reaches her finger over to Gail’s right cheek and wipes something off.  Holly chuckles and shows Gail her finger covered in purple paint.

“I didn’t know you could be the artistic type.”

Gail blinks and tries to push the image she has of Holly and her finger in an inappropriate place out of her head.  

“Well, I was bored and I got invited to visit a studio in that old arts building way over there behind the admin building.”

“Booth?”

“Yeah. Anyway, I decided to give painting a shot and I guess I kind of fell asleep while waiting for Ciara to finish her project.”

Holly looks down at her hands and asks, “Ciara?”

Gail realizes Holly does not even know who Ciara is in first place.  “Oh she’s the Kristen Stewart clone from that bar the other night.”

Holly’s smile falters, “Oh. So her name is Ciara? Things getting serious between you two?”

Gail shakes her head, “No, no. Definitely not like that.  I don’t do dating.  She is sort of a friend I guess? I don’t hate her as much as other people.”

Holly beams a smile, “Oh, that’s good… I mean that’s good you have a friend like that.”

Gail raises an eyebrows and questions what Holly means by her comment.  Holly opens her mouth to explain further, but the professor enters the classroom.  Holly sighs and turns to focus on professor’s monotonous voice as he begins his lecture.  

 

“…And that concludes our class today.  Remember you are expected to do your presentations our next class this Friday, so be sure to send me your presentation file before then.  Have a nice day.”

Gail hurriedly gets up and is about to leave, but Holly softly grasps her forearm to stop her from running away.

“Hey, are you busy right now? I’m thinking we should take the chance to finish our presentation now.  I got a serious exam to study for, so I don’t really have time after today.”

Gail tries to think of any excuse to get out of this situation, but she starts to feel guilty about not taking Holly’s schedule in consideration.  It’s not as if Holly is asking something unreasonable, and Gail does not have anything until this afternoon and it is only 10 in the morning.  Gail rolls her eyes at Holly. “Alright. Fine.  We can do our presentation… only if I can get coffee and cheese puffs.  I’m tired and starving.”

Holly smiles at Gail. “My treat.  Let’s go.”

 

Gail happily shoves cheese puffs in her mouth as she follows Holly to wherever she wants to settle down and work on their presentation.  They stroll out of their building and Holly leads them to a shady spot under a large tree.  Gail freezes as she realizes it is the same spot where she went when she left the class abruptly last week and Holly comforted her.  Gail can’t say anything about going to a different place because Holly already made herself comfortable on the ground and took out her laptop and some papers.  Gail caves in and makes sure she sits with enough distance away from Holly without being too obvious about it.  

“Okay, since our presentation is supposed to be about statistics on types of crimes that occurred in the indigenous communities in Canada, I figure we could find those data through the government websites…”

Gail interferes immediately. “No, I don’t trust those statistics!  Those often are skewed in order to benefit the government and their actions on indigenous people.  Also, the statistics do not always count all crimes that involves the indigenous people.  Some may focus only on the crimes that happened on reservations, or the ones where indigenous people are the perpetrators.  Not exactly inclusive.”

Holly nods. “You probably are right.  How do you know all that?”

Gail raises an eyebrow.  “Sage, duh.”

“Right. I bet you learned a lot from her.  Where is she from?”

“She belongs to Chippewa of the Thames.  Their lands, or at least what is left of it is near St. Thomas.  Probably around two to two and half hours west of here.  Don’t you guys hang out all the time? I’m surprised you don’t know this already.”

“Well, she seems to not like to talk about her home much so I don’t pry.”

“Ah.. Well… she had it tough and a lot of bad things happened to her people.  I guess It’s not something you talk about in casual conversations.”

“Understandable. So how did you meet her? All she told me was that you guys knew each other since high school.”

“Yeah, we met in our freshman biology class, but didn’t become close until sophomore year.  I struggled with coming out and she helped me a lot with that.  She was lucky to have parents who understood her.  Mine weren’t as understanding.  It worked out ok in the end.  She really saved me after sophomore year though.  I pretty much owe her everything.”

“Sounds like she is a great friend to have.”

“She is.  Her family is beyond amazing too.  Not a lot of people like me because I can be such a bitch.  They didn’t care though.  I stayed with them for awhile one summer and they treated me just like one of them.  I couldn’t believe it then and still can’t today.  I represented everything painful to them and yet they showered me with kindness.”

“Painful as in being part of the majority?”

Gail looks at Holly with confusion for a second and realizes Holly has no clue about her role in Brenly’s confinement. She is not ready to talk about that so she goes with a vague answer.  “You could say that.”

Holly nods without pushing for more details, and lets out a deep sigh.  “I bet it’s nice to have a good parents like that.”

Gail frowns her eyebrows, silently asking for further explanation.  Holly sadly smiles back at her and takes few moments in silence before going ahead with her explanation.  

“I grew up never really know my birth parents.  I read in children service’s report that they were murdered in a robbery attempt that had gone wrong.  I was placed in various foster homes and never really stuck with one until I entered high school.  I guess that’s why I became so obsessed with my studies.  Education was the only constant I had in my life and I just threw myself in books and studied my ass off.  I wanted to study medicine but I’m terrible with people so that’s why I’m a forensic science major.  I can just solve puzzles without having to talk with people.”

Gail laughs and Holly pushes Gail’s shoulder.  “I can understand not wanting to deal with people, Holly.  People aren’t that great.”

Holly smiles at Gail and continues, “The family I lived with during high school were nice though.  I was so socially awkward, so we didn’t become close or anything like that but they treated me well.  They provided me food and shelter.  Talked with me about school and things, although I think they never understood why I prefer to study over dating.  I played on the softball team, so they went to all of my games.  I still stay in touch with them every now and then, but it’s not as if they are my true family.”

Gail’s heart is filled with warmth as she wonders how in the hell is Holly such an amazing person and still sees the good in people even though she had a difficult childhood.   She shrugs her shoulders and whispers, “Sometimes family is not all it’s cracked up to be, Holly.”

Holly looks surprised at Gail’s comment.

“I may be related to my family, but I don’t feel like I truly fit in.  They are a sort of a royalty in law enforcement here.  All my parents wanted for my brother and me was to carry the Peck legacy and I felt like I was trained rather than raised.  All  I knew growing up was laws, how to memorize people’s description in seconds, the map of Toronto like back of my hand, and how to survive in wilderness.”

Holly burrows her eyebrows.  “That must be frustrating, trying to live up to their expectations.”  
Gail shrugs her shoulder as if it is no big deal to her.  Which obviously is not true as it is the major reason behind her prickly shell.  She’s used to protecting herself from hurt and disappointment.

“ I love my brother, but sometimes he doesn’t really understand me.  He’s something like a golden boy and everyone in my family adores him.  He does everything right and he recently became a detective.  I already gave up on trying to be the perfect daughter and I’m glad Steve took the reigns.  I’m tired of the constant pressure.  That doesn’t stop my mother from trying though.”  

Holly puts her hand on Gail’s shoulder and softly rubs calmness into Gail’s pale skin.  “Well, I think you’re amazing for being who you are.  You may put on a callous mask, but you’re a good person.  You’re extremely loyal and you don’t take shit from others.  You may not know this but I really admire your ability to call out on people for their bullshit.  I usually just try to be nice and avoid confrontations.  Not you.”

Gail braves a look at Holly and becomes enamored by her unwavering stare as Holly continues.  “I may not have known you for long, but you’re becoming an important person to me now.  You and Sage, but especially you.  I think you’re great just the way you are.”

This is too much, Gail thinks to herself.  She really wants to remain loyal to Sage and let her have a chance with Holly.  She is getting tired of putting others before herself.  She is tired of holding herself back for the sake of others.  Her original master plan is failing and there is nothing she can do about it.  Maybe this time she can be selfish and go for what she truly wants.  She wants Holly and her rapid heartbeat serves a dose of courage to her cloudy brain.  She takes a deep breath and slowly leans toward Holly, looking down at Holly’s lips…


	7. Chapter VII

Time stops right here.  The second lasts an entire lifetime.  Gail’s heart beats like there is no tomorrow.  This is it, Gail thinks to herself.  There is no turning back once Gail bravely leans her head toward her target: Holly’s tender lips.

A Phish-like ringtone rings and brings Gail back to a cold reality.

Gail’s eyes pop wide open and her heart stops beating for a second.  Shit. Shit. Is she really about to forsake one of the most important people in her life for Holly? Is she falling that hard for Holly?  There is no way Holly feels the same way for her.  She is a cold bitch and Holly really is just being nice to her as she always is to everyone else.  Right?  She pushes herself up and stumbles to get her cellphone out of her pocket.  She fails to notice Holly’s head bowing down in frustration.

“Sage?”

“Gail, get your ass over here! Your mother is right out by the door.  I’m not answering, so come and get her out of there!” Sage whispers rapidly and hangs up immediately.  

“Sage? Sage?” Gail looks at her phone to see indication that Sage already hung up on her.  She sighs deeply and grabs her things.

“I gotta rescue Sage from the wrath of my mother,” Gail mutters and runs off without waiting for Holly’s answer.  Truthfully, she wants to avoid Holly as she is struggling with holding her feelings back.  Her inner armor is cracking and she does not like it a bit.  She was raised to be a Peck and that means no one can get past her layers of shield.  How the hell did Holly manage to get through all that?  

(Linebreak)

Gail spots her mother donned in an impeccable navy blue Superintendent uniform and standing confidently in front of Gail’s dorm room.  How did she manage to know where her room was in first place?  Gail growls as she assumes Steve’s guilt in this situation.   A surely baked guy lazes by Gail and freezes when he realizes a police officer is in the hallway.  Gail snickers as he walks backwards and slithers through the stairway door.  

“Gail Peck”  Elaine appears in front of Gail and she gets startled for a second, but regains her composure.  Gail straightens herself up Peck style and keeps her face stoic.

“What are you doing here, Mother?”  
“You never answer your phone so I was compelled to come here so we can talk.”  
“Well, let’s go outside then.”  
“What about your room? I know your roommate is in there but she isn’t answering the door.”  
“No surprise. She probably doesn’t recognize you so she didn’t want to answer the door.”  
“I’m police.  She should’ve answered out of courtesy unless she has something to hide.”  
“Mother, just stop.  Let’s go.”  
“Why don’t you introduce her to me? I should at least know her name.”  
“Mother. Stop.  I would like to keep my family life and college life separate please.  I don’t want to scare her off because I’m was born in a police family.”  
“That’s something to be proud of, not ashamed.”

(Linebreak)

Teenaged Gail is confused about what is happening around her.  To her.  She is at the police station and she knows she is in deep trouble, but an officer took off the handcuffs and allowed her to sit on the bench and walked away without saying anything to her.  She even notices a face of contempt on the officer as he turned around.  She knows she got caught, but she has a good reason and she just wants to bring justice to the people who are being ignored.  They deserve answers and she is willing to risk it all for them.  She is a Peck after all and the name is synonymous with justice.  

Gail spots her mother in her Sergeant uniform and approaches with a stern face. She stands upright from the chair and is hoping her mother will tell her what is going on.  
“Mum, what is happening? I’m sorry I got in trouble...”

“Gail, you are very fortunate your grandfather has not retired yet.  He has to pull some strings to get you out of this debacle, so let’s get out of here before those people see you.  We can’t have this getting out to the public. “

“What? But I got caught.  I am the one who did this.”

“No, you are not.  We got this handled, the blame will be put on that delinquent who was there.”

“Brenly? But he didn’t do anything wrong! It was all me! I’m going to talk to Officer Shaw and tell him the truth.”

“No. You are a Peck and you represent us.  You cannot have this on your record.”

“Peck means justice right? Aren’t we supposed to serve justice?”

“You got that right.  We ARE justice.  That means we cannot do wrong, no matter what it takes.  You better sit down right there and repeat that to yourself until you get it nailed in your head.  Just stay away from that boy and his family.  We don’t need any more complications out of your mess.  Remember what happened to your cousin Jason?  That can happen to you if you don’t get yourself together and shut your mouth.”  

Elaine gives Gail a threatening look before walking out of the building.  Gail breaks down on the chair and puts her head in her hands.  Is this what being a Peck really means?  If this so-called justice is, what she is supposed to uphold when she becomes a police officer like her whole family?   She is not sure she wants to be a part of them anymore.  For the first time in her life, she feels ashamed of her family name.

(Linebreak)

“Well, I am not proud of being a Peck.”  
Elaine squeezes her eyes in frustration and puts her fists on her hips.  “When will you grow up, Gail? You’re an adult already, so it’s past time for you to get past what happened.  This is your reality and you can’t get away from it, so you might as well step up and be the best Peck you can be.”

Gail scoffs. “Be the best Peck? I’m not sure I want to.”

“Gail, I don’t have time to fight with you.  Just come home after your classes on Friday.”

“Friday? I thought I’m required just for dinner on Sunday?”

“There is a party we need to go together as a family on Saturday evening.”

Ah, there it is.  The real reason why Eliane Peck bothered to visit Gail.  Just to maintain the family’s status in Toronto politics.  

“Oh so you need me for a public appearance… got it.”

Eliane breathes out a heavy sigh and disregards Gail’s comment. “I’ll talk with Steve about picking you up.  Be sure to tell him what time you will be done.  I’ll see you at home on Friday.”

Elaine pats Gail’s shoulder before leaving to get back on her busy schedule.  Gail stares at her mother walking away.  She tries to remember if her mother was always like that.  Has she worn rose colored glasses when she was younger?  She can remember clearly when she first lost faith in her family, but did that mean she was blind growing up?  She is not sure if she really wants to know the truth.  

She turns around to the front door to her room, but she does not enter.  She knows Sage probably is waiting for her to come in and get update about what happened just now.  Sage will try to console her and tell her that her mother is crazy and wrong like usual.  Gail knows her mother is not perfect, but she is still blood after all.  What does that make Gail? Will she grow up to be a cold blooded bitch looking out for herself?  She may keep most people at long distance from herself, but she certainly does not want to screw people over to gain benefits for herself.  If she cannot be a Peck, then who is she?

This is becoming too much for her to think and feel right now.  Gail decides to walk away and avoid facing Sage at least for now.  Right now, she could go for a shot of tequila... or a few.

(Linebreak)

Gail is sitting with her knees up to her chin, and arms wrapped around herself as if she is protecting herself from the ugliness out in the world.  Her head leans against the passenger window as she watches raindrops splattering in front of her eyes.  Steve throws a glance every now and then as he drives toward Gail’s dorm.  The family dinner ends up a huge fiasco, and Gail just want to be in her bed hidden away from everyone.  She squeezes her eyes shut as she tries to push her parents’ harsh words out of her mind.

“Gail, you need to take your education seriously.  Change your major to Criminal Justice.”

“What can you do with languages? All that will get you is either interpreting or teaching.  That will get you nowhere.  That’s not what Pecks strive for.”

“You think you can be fully independent just because you have that scholarship?  What if you lose it? What will you do then?”

“You’re only nineteen.  You still don’t know anything about this world.”

Gail becomes so frustrated she didn’t even bother staying for dessert, and that is her favorite part of any meal.  She simply stands up and commands Steve to drop her off back at her dorm and walks out of the house.  Her clothes are heavy and soaked wet from the rain because she forgot to check for weather and didn’t have an umbrella.  She is too proud to go back inside and grab one from the closet and she is not sure if she can handle seeing her parents without blowing up to be honest.  She tries to fix her clammy hair as Steve pulls up in front of her dorm building.  

They both remain quiet and tension is sky high between them in the car.  Steve fiddles the steering wheel with his hands while Gail tries to fix the stubborn cowlick out of her face.  Steve looks at Gail and loses the silent struggle between them on who is stubborn enough to not say something first.

“Look… I know it’s hard to live up to the Ex-Peckstations, but-“

“Don’t.  Just don’t.  You have no idea what it is like to be me.” Gail snaps. She cannot even look at her brother in the eye right now.  She is just too angry. At her parents.  At her brother.  Even at herself.

“You’re the golden boy and you know it, Steve.  I’m the screw up because I’m not like all of you.  Sometimes I wonder if I’m adopted.”

“Gail, I’m not expecting anything from you, little sister.  I’m sorry for not saying anything at the table.  I just…”  Steve tries to come up with something to make it better for Gail but comes up empty.

“I know.  I’m just exhausted.  I just want to be left alone so I can figure out who I am. Who I am supposed to be without everyone telling me.”

“Well, stick with what you want to learn then.  If it’s languages and stuff then so be it.  Hell, if you want to be a starving artist, then so be it!”

Gail chuckles a little and punches Steve’s arm.  

“You’re in college, so it’s your time to just go out and explore.  Figure out what you want to do on your time.  Chill with whoever you want.  Find some gorgeous ladies to charm and get laid!” Steve jabs Gail’s side with his elbow.

“God, you’re so simple minded.  Are you really sure you’re a Peck?”

“Get out of my car.  I’ll see you sometime soon and we’ll just have couple beers and maybe play pool?”

“Sure, I’ll kick your ass and take away all of your money.”

Steve laughs and puts out a fist.  Gail rolls her eyes, gives him a fist bump, and gets out of the car.  She gives him a dirty face and waves as he drives away.  Steve can be such a wuss in front of their parents, but Gail knows he always has her back and secretly roots for her behind their parents’ back.  She contemplates Steve’s brotherly advice as she wanders her way to the dorm room she shares with Sage.  His advice is pretty lame, but the first part hit home.  Maybe it is time for her to seriously sit down with Sage and actually talk.  See where she really stands with Holly.  If nothing is really happening between them, then maybe… just maybe Gail will have a shot.  That is if Holly is even remotely interested.  God, things between Holly and Gail are just weird.  After the near kiss last week, Gail avoids her as much as possible and only communicates with her through e-mails about their presentation.  The presentation went okay on Friday, but Gail ran away from Holly as soon as the class session ended, citing a family weekend as excuse.  She really need to fixes that and just stop pushing Holly away.   

Gail arrives at the door and takes a deep breath.  She mentally pumps herself up and tells herself that she’s got this.  She enters the room and all lights are turned off except for a little lamp on the nightstand next to the bunk beds.  

“Sage?” Gail whispers as she sneaks over.  She notices not just one, but two heads on the pillows on Sage’s bed.  The straight black haired head near to the nightstand obviously belongs to Sage, but who’s the other one?  Gail decides to peeks over quietly.  The head is full of beautiful chocolate waves and a mole appears right by the ear.  Gail’s heart breaks in uncountable pieces as she realizes it is indeed Holly sleeping in the bed with Sage.  

Fuck.


	8. Chapter VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm entering triggering warning here so if you don't want to be spoiled then skip ahead now.
> 
>  
> 
> TRIGGERING WARNING: Mention of sexual assault after the second line break.

Gail props her forehead against the thick studio door and cumbersomely knocks with what little energy she has left.  She waits several minutes before realizing that knocking is kind of pointless if the other person in the room can’t exactly hear.  
  
Right… Idiot. Gail tells herself.  She turns around and slides down the wall by the door.  She takes out her cellphone to type a message for Ciara to let her in.  She closes her eyes and reflects over her weekend as she waits.  This weekend has to have been one of the worst series of events in a long time.  Probably since the infamous summer in high school.  No support from her family besides her brother’s silent backing.  She loves Sage and their friendship, but right now she is extremely jealous.  She knows she will hurt Sage with bitter remarks, so avoidance is the best tactic for now.  Before her mind drifts to the heartbreaking moment, the door opens and Ciara peeks out at her.  Ciara nods her head back, signaling to come in, and Gail follows her in the studio.  
  
Gail trudges to the huge table where Ciara usually devises her art, and she notices two plastic tubs; one full of grey dust and another black; next to a canvas with abstract monochromatic brushstrokes.  She turns around to glance at Ciara with curiosity.  She notices black and grey smudges all over Ciara’s face and fingers.  
  
“What are you doing? Fingerpainting?”  
  
“Something like that.  I kind of borrowed bags of charcoal from those stupid frat boys living in the frat house near my dorm building without asking.  I grinded half of them in black powder and burnt the rest in a grill to collect the ashes.  I want to use my fingers instead of the brushes this time.  I’m trying to feel more connected to my work.”    
  
“And it works?”  
  
Ciara ponders for few moments.  “I have not decided yet.”  
  
Gail nods her head in acceptance and takes her seat on the chair next to the table.  Ciara drags another chair and sits face to face toward Gail.  
  
“So what brings you here?  Another art therapy session?”  
  
Gail simply shakes her head.  “Just a shitty weekend with my family, and apparently my roommate was fucking someone in our room.  I don’t need to be there for the gross display.”  
  
Ciara chuckles.  “Ah, the college life.  Full of sexual energy and nearly no privacy.  Well, you’re more than welcome to stay with me.”  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
“As for family… They’re just people you’re related to by blood.  More often than not they think they know you, but they don’t truly know you.”  
  
Gail blinks her eyes in surprise. “Sounds like you say that from experience.”  
  
“Oh yeah. Don’t get me wrong. I adore my parents and my brother.  I’m fortunate to even have some kind of relationship with them.  Most Deaf people barely can communicate with theirs, and we all endure being different from everyone around us including family.  My dad is an economist and my mom is an old fashioned homemaker.  I’m pretty much the black sheep because I’m Deaf and an artist.  They don’t exactly believe in art as a profession.  Plus they’re scared I won’t survive because of my deafness, which is totally ridiculous.”  
  
“I am a black sheep too.  Everyone is either a cop or working in a related field, and here I am… studying languages.  Mother thinks it is absolutely a waste of my time and I won’t get anywhere.”  
  
“Ah, so you have high expectations and I have low expectations.”  
  
“Must be nice.  Not being expected to be the perfect child.  My brother is already one, and I’m the screw up.”  
  
Ciara squints her eyes and burrows her eyebrows.  “No.  It’s not exactly grand growing up not being expected to amount to anything, except to be a hearing kid.  Hell, even my own name represent my dad’s bleak outlook for my future.”  
  
“Your name? What does it means?”  
  
“Dark.  My mom always said it’s for my brunette hair and brown eyes, but my baby photos showed me donning blonde hair that eventually faded into brown.  I was born Deaf, so first thing they thought was that I had no future and my life would always be a struggle.  My brother told me once my dad wanted to name me Dorren, but my mom refused.”  
  
“And what is the meaning behind Dorren? I assume it’s something bad.”  
  
“It means sullen.”  
  
“Ouch.”  
  
“Tell me about it.  I’m already past feeling hurt about it.  You just gotta set expectations for yourself, not following others’.  Believe me, life is so fruitful when you live it for yourself.”  
  
“I wish it was that easy.”  
  
“What worthwhile is?”  
  
“Since when did you become so enlightened? Did you live in Tibet for a year or something?”  
  
Ciara laughs out loud.  “Nah. I just woke up and realized on my own.  Maybe you will too someday.”  
  
Gail scoffs.  “Whatever.”  
A slimy green envy crawls upon Gail’s spine as she ponders Ciara’s comments.  Would it ever be possible for her to just go for what she wants, without worrying about consequences from her family?  Obviously she will not have that chance with Holly since she is with Sage now.  What does she even wants to do in first place?  She may not have an answer to the question, but she knows exactly just what she wants to do right now.  
  
“I want to get drunk tonight.”  
  
“I’m down for it.  Where?”  
  
“I don’t know.  That bar where we met?”  
  
“I don’t think so.  It’s Sunday night. It’s gonna be full of sad alcoholics and people watching boring football.”  
  
“True….ideas?”  
  
Ciara gives out a Grinch-like smirk.  “Well, I do know of several house parties we could check out… There’s Plymouth House, Yellow House…”  
  
Gail waves her hand in interruption.  “Wait. Yellow House? Do I even want to know why?”  
  
Ciara shrugs her shoulders.  “The house is yellow.  Plymouth House is on Plymouth Ave.  They’re not exactly creative with the names.  However, we should hit the Animal House.  They got a full sized half pipe built in the backyard, so we could just drink beers and watch people make fool out of themselves with skateboards.”  
  
“Really? Animal House? How original.”  
  
“I told you.  They’re not exactly creative people.”  
  
Gail gets up and claps her hands.  “Let’s get the hell out of here.”  
  
Ciara gets up as well and looks over at two canvas leaning against the wall.  “What are you planning to do with your paintings?”  
  
Gail dismisses Ciara’s question.  “I haven’t thought about it.  You can throw those away.  I don’t want them.”  
  
“Why don’t you give them to someone? Like that second one.  You had someone in particular in your head when you painted that huh?”  
  
That someone is never going to be hers, so it would be pointless to give her the painting.  All that will do is create more complications and Gail certainly doesn’t want any more complications in her life.  
  
“I didn’t.”  
  
Ciara’s eyebrows raise in disbelief but she does not call out Gail’s bullshit. “Alright, I’ll leave it there until I have to clean out this room at end of the year.”  
  
“Whatever.  Suit yourself.  I don’t care.”  
  
Ciara lightly slaps Gail’s shoulder.  “Let’s go then.”  
  


* * *

  
  
Ciara parks her car on end of the street and the destination is on the other end.  The street is packed full of automobiles of all kinds, and most of the houses are in deteriorating condition.  They are in not so great neighborhood that Gail’s mother always complains about at the table during dinners.  Gail begins to doubt her decision to tag along with Ciara to this party.  She watches Ciara taking out some cash from a purse and shoves it under her carseat.  She looks up at Gail and asks, “Got any cash on you?  They usually charge five dollars for keg, but if you want shots then it will be ten.”  
  
Gail nods.  “Yeah I got some on me.”  
  
“Alright, I wouldn’t recommend you to bring anything other than that, so just put whatever you have on you under the seat.”  
  
Gail is even more unsure about the whole thing.  “You sure it’s alright to go to this party?”  
  
“Yeah, I’ve known the people who live in that house since high school.  They’re alright.  If you don’t feel comfortable then we can just buy pack of beer and just drink in my room.  Up to you.”  
  
That probably will lead to deep conversations about things Gail definitely don’t want to talk or even think about.  
  
“As long as you’re fine, I’m fine.”  
  
Ciara shakes her head in reassurance.  They both get out of the car at the same time and walk side by side along the sidewalk in silence.  The Animal House is a detached brick row house with concrete porch in the front and the wooden stairs seem to be missing a plank or two.  All of the windows are covered by blinds but Gail can see people walking back and forth behind the windows.  As they approach the Animal House, Gail notices a body flying up and down in the air above the tall wooden fence.  Another person spins in the air several feet away from the other one.  Gail realizes they are riding skateboards on the halfpipe behind the fence.  She hears some really loud cheering and whooping from behind the fence.    
  
“Are you really sure it’s safe? They are pretty loud.  Won’t the neighbors be pissed and call cops to bust this party?”  
  
Ciara smirks with not an ounce of worry on her face.  “Nah.  Half of the houses on this street are rented by college students like us.  That house to the right is owned by a drug dealer.  The house over there on the left is rented by this Deaf couple.  None of them want cops’ attention on this street, so we are good.  Animal House has been around for a long time, so relax.  If for some reason you want to leave, just let me know and we will go.  The offer to chill at my place still stands okay?”  
  
Gail nods and they enters through the wooden gate.  The large wooden half pipe literally take over nearly the whole backyard with a small walkway between the house and the halfpipe.  There are people sitting on the top edge of the pipe and standing around on the ground as well.  A scrawny guy runs and captures Ciara in a big hug before facing her.  They begin to sign rapidly and Gail struggles to catch on what they are saying to each other.  
“….doing here…”  
“…Party… where…”  
“Yes… who…”  
  
Ciara looks over at Gail and signs noticeably slower. “This is my friend, G-A-I-L.  This idiot is my close buddy since we were kids, D-E-R-E-K.”  She shows Gail Derek’s name sign.  Derek smiles at Gail and gives her a big hug too.  Gail hesitates and waits till he lets go before saying, “this is not how I communicate.”  
  
Both Ciara and Derek laughs and looks at each other.  “Hearing people.”  
  
Gail raises her eyebrows in confusion.  
  
Ciara smiles and explains, “we are just laughing at social differences.  Hearing people don’t normally hug when they first meet someone. Generally anyway.  It’s Deaf culture to hug everyone even if we meet for the first time.  We tend to treat new people as if they are part of the family.”  
  
Derek points at the back door and informs, “drinks are in the kitchen and you can pay for drinking wristbands there too.  I’ll be mingling around here, so enjoy yourself!”  
  
Ciara grabs Gail’s arm and drags her along to enter the house to pay for their drinks.  
  


* * *

  
  
Gail is standing near the beer pong table with a cup of beer in her hand, watching Ciara dominating the game against Derek, and she is having a great time actually.  She is surprised considering her shitty weekend and is glad she decided to tag along with Ciara tonight.  Maybe things will look up at least a little bit.  She is not exactly a social butterfly, but most of the people don’t seem to mind.  Ciara introduces her to a couple more people and they all seem so laid-back and didn’t care about the fact she’s hearing.  She is surprised to find she is not the only one though,  there are couple other hearing people here and there.  She supposes that in the big picture it makes no difference as long as they all are there to have good time.    
  
Her phone vibrates in her pocket, so she takes it out to check and sees Sage’s name flashing.  She is so tempted to just ignore it, but she knows Sage will not give up and technically she is supposed to be “home” in the dorm room tonight.  She never left any kind of note informing Sage where she was tonight, and she remembers how mad Sage was a few weeks ago when she left the bar with Ciara.  She doesn’t need a repeat of that, so she walks outside and away from the others to answer the phone.    
  
“What?”  
  
“Where are you? You still at home?”  
  
“Nope.” Gail pops the “p.”  
  
“Oh. So where are ya at? You planning on being here any time soon?”  
  
“Probably not.  I’m at a house party, and having a grand time.” This sentence is dripping in sarcasm.  
  
“Okay… Well, it’s kinda important that you get back here when you can.  I need to talk to you about something, and Holly’s here-“  
  
Gail interrupts with an angry tone. “I know. I saw.”  
  
Sage sounds surprised. “Oh? When? Why didn’t you stay? We could’ve talked.”  
  
“No.  Next time, you really should warn me beforehand, so I don’t need to see you guys in bed.  I don’t care if you are fucking or whatever, but I don’t need to see that.  It’s not any of my business.”  
  
“What? What are you talking about? We’re not-“  
  
“Look. I don’t care okay? I know you dig her and I’m sure she digs you a lot.  Have fun.  I’m staying here and I’m gonna crash at Ciara’s. Don’t worry about me and just screw each other some more.”    
  
Gail hangs up before Sage has a chance to response.  She throws the phone down on the ground and kicks an empty beer bottle off the grass.  God, last thing she wants to do is be a third wheel to Holly and Sage.  She just can’t deal with listening to them beaming about how they started dating or whatever it is they’re doing.  She covers her face with her hands.  She can’t continue to think about them.  She knows what she needs right now.  She walks back in the house to the kitchen and takes two shot glasses of an alcoholic concoction from a table and drinks them quickly in row.  She grabs an empty plastic cup and fills it up with beer from the keg, then chugs it all up in one shot.  That should erase the pain from her heart at least for now.  She takes a deep breath before wandering aimlessly around the ground floor.  She starts to feel pressure filling up in her bladder.  That tend to happen when one drinks a lot of booze at once.  She decides to climbs up the stairs and try to find a bathroom.  All of a sudden, she feels really dizzy and she loses control of her limbs.  This is not normal.  She has strong alcoholic tolerance and she can handle herself even while drunk.    
  
Something is wrong.  
  
Gail tries to turn around to go downstairs and find Ciara, but someone grabs her from behind.  Her mouth is covered by a hand, and an arm wraps around her waist.  A warm and heavy breath creeps in Gail’s neck.  A creepy voice sneers, “Sshhh.  I’ve been waiting so long for someone to take the shot glass.  You’re a lottery winner.”  
  
Gail is being forced to go up the rest of the stairs and dragged to a bedroom.  She struggles hard and attempts to kick the intruder from behind, but she loses her balance and falls down on the bed. She feels a puncture on her arm.  Shit. Shit, she is being drugged even more.  This is it..  She cannot believe she’s so stupid to take a random drink without thinking.  She is losing consciousness and last thing on her mind is the deep brown eyes and that gorgeous mole…  
  
  



	9. Chapter IX

An aroma of rosy amber musk envelops Gail as she feels trapped by the darkness.  The scent is slowly pulling Gail to consciousness, but she cannot find an ounce of energy to open her eyes and see who is holding her left hand.  The touch is soothing and Gail wants to hold on, but the darkness is swallowing her in entirety and she isn’t strong enough to fight it off…

 

Gail wakes up and finds herself trapped on a bed and she cannot figure out what is keeping her from being able to use her arms and legs.  An invisible hand slowly drags itself along Gail’s navel, through between her breasts, and aims for her throat.  Shit, she’s going to die right here and she cannot move her limbs at all.  Focus, she tells herself.  Focus on getting up and fight him… it off! The hand traps Gail’s throat and begins to choke her airway, keeping air from coming in.  Her eyes are not opening like she wants to.  She cannot see who is killing her.  Is she really going to die without even doing anything that matters in life?  Will she end up a stupid girl who get herself killed because she was not careful?

 

“Gail”

 

Who is that voice? Who is calling her?

 

“Gail, wake up!”

 

She’s trying! The hand is choking the air out out of her and she still cannot move.  All of a sudden, she can feel two other hands grabbing her shoulders and giving her a small shake.  She closes her eyes tightly and gives her all to open her eyes just one more time before she gives up to oblivion.

 

Gail wakes up and tries to sits up.  Her heart is pounding out of her chest and she cannot breathe.  She can feel the needles in her arms and she wants to rip them all out.  She takes off the oxygen mask and tries to get off the bed.  A strong pair of hands hold her back on the bed.

 

“Gail, don’t take those out.  You are in hospital.  You are alright now.”  Sage tries to reassure Gail and stops her from continuing to freak out.

 

Gail wants to say something but her throat is tightening up and she cannot get any air back in her chest.  Her gag reflex is acting up and she just wants to throw up.  Holly shows up next to Sage and puts the oxygen mask back on Gail.

 

“Gail, you need it to get some air in you.  Take a deep breathe and count up to three slowly before inhaling and do the same to exhale.”

 

Gail obeys and slowly her breathing returning to normal.  However, her heart feels like it’s going to rupture her chest open.  It hurts like hell.

 

“Sage, I’m going to get a nurse to come in and check on her.”  Holly runs out of the room.

 

Gail pants and looks around in the room.  Her sight is blurry and she squints to try to focus on the other two figures sitting on a fuzzy purple something by the door.  Looks like a couch and they stand up and walk over by Sage.  Gail recognizes one as Ciara and it takes her a couple moments but the other person is that annoying dude she sat next to once in her Intro to Criminology class.  What is he doing here, she wonders?  

 

Ciara tears up and begins to sign a fist in furious circular motions on her chest, “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

 

Gail is confused by Ciara’s clear angst and the memories reveal themselves in fragments in Gail’s head.  All she remembers right now is being beyond drunk at that house party and being pushed on bed.  She can clearly remembers the sensation of a needle digging in her neck.  She shakes her head in a feeble attempt to clear away those dark memories.   She takes the oxygen mask off in order to speak.

 

“How did I get here?” Gail whispers and signs clumsily at the same time.

 

Ciara looks at the dude before telling Gail what is going on.

 

“Mitchell,” she points at him, “heard what was happening in the room and stopped that monster.”

 

Mitchell nods and simultaneously speaks and signs, “Yeah, I was lucky to hear you fighting him and came in before he was able to get far…”

 

Sage intervenes, “And who’s fault is that?”  She started sternly at Ciara.  “You. You were supposed to be with her.  What the fuck?”

 

Gail raises her hand. “Sage, just stop.  I remembered walking outside to talk with you on phone, so she didn’t know okay? This is all my fault anyway.”

 

Sage’s eyes widen in disbelief.  “Your fault? Goddamnit, Gail. You got to stop blaming yourself for everything that went wrong.  It’s that monster-fucker’s fault.  I’m gonna ki-“

 

“Sage.”  Holly firmly calls from the door.  “Why don’t all of you get out of here for a little bit? Calm down, get some coffee, and let the doctor examine and talk with Gail.”

 

Ciara and Mitchell walk out of the room together, and Sage fumes for a little longer before stomping out.  Holly looks down and heavily sighs, allowing the doctor to approach Gail.  

 

“Hello Gail, I’m Dr. Taylor and I’m your attending physician.  How are you feeling?”

 

“Like shit.  I can’t seem to get my heart to stop pounding.  I’m breathing funny… and my vision’s blurry far away.”

 

“Yes, that is expected with what you were injected with.”

 

“Huh?”  Gail recalls the needle.  “Oh.. I remember the needle…”

 

“Yes, you’ve been injected with ketamine and ingested some flunitrazepam.  Fortunately, you didn’t take enough for it to have a long term impact on your health.  You will still feel the effects from the flunitrazepam for possibly up to 24 hours and in next couple hours your heartbeat and breathing rhythm should return to normal.  We are keeping you here overnight for observation and will release you tomorrow depending on how you feel and how your vitals look.  How does your right eye feel?”

 

Gail touches her right eyes and flinches in pain.  “It hurts when I touch it… is it bruised or something?”

 

“Yes some vessels ruptured but nothing is broken.  You will have a black eye for a little while, but it should go away without any complications.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Be sure to rest as much as you can tonight and I’ll return in the morning to see how you feel.  If you need anything, then please press the call button for a nurse.”   Dr. Taylor gives out her hand for Gail to shake before leaving the room.

 

Holly looks down at her hands to avoid looking at Gail and nervously asks, “do you want me to get Sage?”

 

“No. Can you sit closer? I still have hard time seeing you from afar.”

 

Holly nods and sits in the chair by Gail’s left side, but still doesn’t look directly at Gail.  Gail clenches her chest with her hand.  “I wish my heart would just stop pounding.  It’s so annoying.”

 

“Yeah, that is one of side effects of ketamine.  It is mostly used as an anesthetic, although not really commonly used by medical professionals because of its hallucinogenic properties. It can cause high blood pressure, an increased heart rate, and irregular breathing among other things.”

 

Gail closes her eyes and listens to Holly babbling some more about the medical uses of ketamine.  Holly waves her hands in the air as she continues, “… it’s really only used in some unique cases or out in the field like war zones or that sort of thing…” Soothing.  Gail thinks to herself.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m talking too much here.  I should be letting you rest.”

 

“I’m in bed. Resting.  Not doing anything.  I think that counts.”

 

Holly smirks and chokes a little.  “I’m really glad you are okay… well, relatively okay.”

 

Gail frowns and burrows her eyebrows.  She only has a piece here and there of what happened to her.  She can remember everything up to the point she was on phone with Sage. The nightmare still has a faint grasp on her.  “I don’t remember much.  Do you know?”

 

“Well, I only know what Mitchell told me.”

 

“Tell me.”

 

Holly hesitates, “You should talk with Ciara and him.  Plus, a police officer should be here in the morning to get your statement.”

 

“Fuck.  That means my parents know.  How did you get here though?”

 

“I was with Sage when she got a call from hospital.  Apparently she’s your emergency contact.”

 

“Yeah. I rather her than anyone from my family.”

 

She cannot afford to have her mother know about what happened to her.  She would be embarrassed and scold her for being stupid.  Holly straightens up and look directly in Gail’s eyes.

 

“Well, we came and we met Ciara and Mitchell here.  Ciara was such a mess… I think she blamed herself for everything.  Mitchell said he heard some commotion upstairs, so he decided to check since he was the only hearing person in that house.  He said he saw this man standing over you… you were on the bed and passed out…”  Holly pauses for a second, “and he was grabbing your shirt.  Mitchell tackled him and punched him in the face.  I’m not sure how exactly but he said he got him on the floor, sat on his back, and used his cellphone to call police.  God, I’m so glad he was there tonight.  I will never mock him in our classes ever again.  It could’ve gotten worse… it’s terrible enough with what already happened to you and it could’ve been worse… I could have… we could have lost you tonight, Gail.”  

 

Holly begins to sobs and Gail’s heart constricts as she listens.  She starts to remember the shots she got off the table.  That’s probably where he put in the roofie.  This is all her own fault for being so reckless.  She allows her own anger to blind her from seeing what was happening in front of her face.

 

“I’m so stupid…” Gail murmurs.

 

Holly looks up and in Gail’s eyes for the first time tonight.  Her eyes are full of wrath.  “It is NEVER your fault, Gail.  It is that asshole.  No one deserves that.  No one should have to worry about being taken advantage of like he did to you.  I am so infuriated that we have to be wary of trivial things like drinks in hope to avoid being abused.  I hope he rots in jail.”

 

Gail blinks in wonder. She always put herself down, because that is how her family views her.  Being someone that does not fit in her family’s imagery of the perfect Peck member is eating her alive and she slowly realizes that.  She knows that no one should feel it is okay to do what that stranger did to her, but she can’t help herself feeling stupid for not being careful.  Holly has this wonderful ability to see good things in Gail, and she starts to feel her heart beating faster.  She is not sure if it’s entirely due to the aftereffects of the drugs.  

 

“Prison.”

 

“What?”

 

“Prison is where criminals serve long sentences.  Jail’s more temporary.  Sorry, I’m just…”

 

“It’s okay.”  

 

They remain in silence and it comforts Gail.  She’s surprised at first because she usually gets so uncomfortable around people when there’s no talking.  However, this is Holly.  Of course she can just be next to Holly with nothing being said between them and it’s like being comforted by a blanket from childhood.  Holly grabs Gail’s hand and holds it tenderly in her hands without saying a word. Gail feels like she is almost content if only for a short time.  It is almost like every shitty thing that happened to her does not exist in this moment.  She wants to feel like this always and not feel like the world is always against her.  She lets out a relieved sigh and Holly hears her.  She looks up at Gail and gives out an adorable smile and Gail smiles back at her.  They remain like this for a short time, although it feels like lifetime to both of them.  

 

 

* * *

 

The television sprouts out random lines about a pointless fuzzy blanket like pajama thing that looks beyond ugly on everyone in the infomercial.  Ciara and Mitchell checked on her earlier and have gone home for the night.  They both promise Gail they will be back in the morning to help with the statement even though Gail told them not to.  She knows she has to give her account alone and she really does not want anyone to deal with her parents’ inevitable arrival.  

 

Sage has gone to get some dinner for both Holly and her.  Gail is not sure why she didn’t insist on staying in the room with her instead of Holly.  She wonders if Sage is too ashamed of her or something.  After Sage leaves, Holly grabs Gail’s hand and simply holds it while they both pretend to closely pay attention to the television without being obvious to each other.  Suddenly, Holly turns around and confronts Gail with a serious face.

 

“Gail, I heard what you said to Sage on the phone earlier.”

 

Gail freezes in shock.  “What?”

 

“Sage set the phone on speaker so we both could talk to you, so I heard the entire conversation.”

 

“Oh. Well I guess congratulations is in order.  You guys look great together.  I just hate being around couples being mushy and all that crap, so I didn’t want to be around both of you.”

 

Holly slightly bends her head to the left, gesturing Gail to cut the bullshit.  “Gail, you got it all wrong.  We are not-“

 

Steve burst in the room and jogs over to the other side of the bed.  He has an angry face and barely holding himself from screaming. “Gail! What the hell happened? Why did I have to get a phone call from Oliver at the station and not from hospital?! Who did this to you?”

 

Holly takes her hands away from Gail, and Gail misses the warmth instantaneously.  She stands up, “I’m going to check on Sage and see where she is with dinner,” and quickly leaves the room.  

 

Gail groans in frustration.  “I woke up not long ago okay? I am okay.  Nothing serious happened to me.  Just almost got myself raped by a psycho at a party.  You can go home.”

 

Steve recoils in anger.  “Okay?! Rape is not something you brush off like a cold! I’m going to make sure that bastard get  what he deserves, death.   Don’t you worry sister, Mom and Dad will make sure of that too.  They’re at the station right now taking care of lawyers.”

 

Gail looks away.  “Great. They are just cleaning up the mess.  Making sure it all goes under the carpet, so the public won’t know.”

 

“You know that isn’t true.  They’re angry and afraid.”

 

“Then why aren’t they here? They can’t even look at me and ask if I am okay?”

 

“Who’s your emergency contact? Why isn’t it any one of us?”

 

“Sage.”

 

“Why? She isn’t family?”

 

“She acts like one more than any of you.”

 

Steve collapses in the chair and looks bleakly at Gail.  “Really? Even me?”

 

Gail looks down at her hands.  “I felt that way when I changed the information.”

 

“When was that?”

 

“Day after my 18th birthday.  I didn’t want Mother to have any control over me.  So I put down Sage’s information to ensure I had control over myself if I ever went to the hospital.  Like now. She can get to you easily.  You know it. I know it.  That’s just how she is.”

 

Steve swallows in embarrassment.  “I’m sorry you can’t trust me.”

 

Gail looks up at Steve and shrugs.  “I know.  Not really your fault.  We both just happen to be born into the same insane family.  Not exactly our choice.”

 

Steve nods in acceptance.  “Are you sure you okay? I know you didn’t get… but you almost did.”

 

“I know.  I am okay at the moment, but I’m not sure where to go from here.  I… I know what I want.  I just don’t know what to do to be where I want to be.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Rigor Samsa Chapter X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to get this up. However, it's the longest chapter so far....enjoy!

Several cold drops of sweat tumble down Gail’s forehead as she bangs back on the wall.  She grips the blanket in tight and squeezes her eyes shut.  She can still feel cold hands crawling on her neck.  It is just a dream, just a dream.  Gail repeats the mantra to herself, but her heart continues to beat rapidly.  She feels so stupid and helpless.  She should not be feeling like this.  Technically nothing actually happened and she got away with simply being drugged and few bruises.  Many girls survive in worse conditions right?  As much as she hates being a Peck, she knows having Peck blood means she should be strong and be able to handle this.  Then why is she feeling like there is a boogeyman coming out to get her, like a five years old?  

 

Gail sighs and reminds herself that it is the first night she is alone in her room since she got out of hospital several days ago.  Sage refuses to leave her alone in the room, especially at night.  

 

“Tough shit, Gail. I’m staying.  I got shit to do for that stupid Drug Enforcement class tomorrow.  I’m on the against team on marijuana legalization for fuck’s sake.  Not my choice.”  

 

Gail sternly stares at Sage with frustration simmering in her stomach.

 

“Sage, don’t you have the pride thing tonight? Just go. I’m not some poor helpless baby who need to be consoled.”

 

Sage sighs and sits down next to Gail on the floor by the bed.

 

“Look, Gail.  I’m not trying to baby you.  I just want to be here with you, that’s all.  You’ve been through a lot recently, and I know you are not sleeping well.  I can hear you, you know.”  

 

“I sleep just fine.”

 

“Gail-“

 

Sage’s cellphone rings, so Sage gets up and answers the call.  Gail leans back on the bed and lets go a relieved breath.  She knows Sage has her best interests at heart, but she really wants to be alone and prove to herself she can be alone without needing anyone.  

 

“Yeah?… Tonight? Why the rush? Don’t we usually go on Saturdays? What’s going on?  You sure it’s fine? Okay. I’ll see you outside in fifteen minutes.”

 

Sage presses the end call button on her cellphone and rubs her forehead in frustration.  She walks over to her desk and starts gathering her things together.  Gail slowly gets up and loiters nearby.

 

“Looks like you got what you wished for,” Sage grumbles as she packs.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I gotta head out.  That was my mom on the phone.  Something about needing to go and visit Brenly.”

 

“Oh.  He’s okay?”

 

“I think so. She won’t tell me what’s going on though.  I know it’s pointless to ask, but do you want to come and see him?”

 

Gail looks down at the floor and shakes her head.  Her throat tightens in guilt and voice fails to come out.

 

Sage looks at Gail for a minute before nodding in understanding.  “Okay. Well, I better get going.  Enjoy your night alone.  I’ll come back if you need me alright?”

 

Gail looks back at Sage.  “I’ll be fine, don’t worry.  Tell them I said hey and… yeah. See you tomorrow.”

 

Sage nudges Gail’s shoulder with her hand. “At least you’re out of hospital and free to wreak havoc around here.”

 

Gail chuckles as Sage leaves the room.

 

Gail is still glad she is out of hospital though.  The day she had to talk with Officer Shaw is still on her mind.  She feels stupid and awful for not being able to provide details on what happened and she cannot really identify who assaulted her that night.  She knows she is lucky Mitchell was able to corroborate and act as a solid witness on her behalf.  Sadly, that is not good enough in her mother’s eyes.  She can still hear her mother’s voice berating her for not being able to memorize the offender’s face… Ross Perik… She does not even know him in the first place and she got drugged so she does not know how she could ever burn his face in her brain.  It is only after talking with Officer Shaw and her mother pushing a photo of Ross Perik in her face, that his face has become the elusive boogeyman in her dreams.  

 

Gail smirks a little as she remembers Officer Shaw assuring her that she did great and her statement will help the case.  He comforts her by telling her not to take her mother’s scolding to heart and the case will be open and shut.  He seems confident that Perik will go to jail for a long time with all the evidence and statements they have against him.  However, her statement is important to the case, so she knows she will have to appear in the court and testify against him.  She shudders when she imagines seeing him sitting across from her.  Will he be all creepy and smile at her?  Will he try to attack her because he has nothing to lose?  Maybe he will just sit there with no emotion on his face and no remorse to be felt?  She is not sure which one of these scenarios will be the worst.

 

Gail peeks down at the clock and sees that it is only 11:30 PM.  Great, she only has an hour and half of sleep before waking up from the nightmare.  She doubts she can go back to sleep anytime soon and is getting anxious due to being alone in the room.  Maybe someone would be willing to come over and just keep her company for a while.  

 

Gail picks up her cellphone and scrolls through her contact list.

 

Steve… ugh no way. He’s busy with work anyway and she really does not want to hear his attempts at convincing her to talk with their mother.  She just can’t deal with that stress right now.  Plus he will try to get her to stay at their parents house and they will end up fighting.  

 

Gail pauses at Ciara’s number.  Things are weird between them ever since the incident.  Gail can see heavy guilt in Ciara’s eyes even though she keeps telling her it is none of her fault.  She can understand a little though.  It is hard to let go of guilt once it grows inside.  She decides not to text her because she doesn’t want to confront that elephant tonight.  

 

Gail continues to scroll down until she sees Holly.

 

Holly.  

 

She gazes at the photo of Holly saved in the contact.  She is pretty sure Holly never knew that she taken the photo in the class.  It’s a side portrait of Holly studying deeply into one of those textbooks about dead bodies.  Her glasses lays loosely on her nose and Gail could see her beautiful chocolate eyes.  Gail actually pretended to be playing a game on her phone when she took the picture and got away with it.

 

Gail bites her bottom lip as she ponders if she should call Holly or not.  After the heartfelt conversation they shared in Gail’s hospital room, Holly talks to her and treats her just like she usually does.  That makes Gail feel less like a victim and more like herself.  She has not seen Holly since she shooed her out of the room along with Sage before her mother’s inevitable arrival.  She is glad they both avoided a confrontation with her mother, but she misses Holly because she has not seen her since then.  

 

Maybe it would be alright to ask her to come over and work on their project.  That way, Holly can sleep in Sage’s bed and see Sage next day.  Gail will just leave them alone as soon as Sage arrives, and comes up with an excuse.  That should all work out for everyone and she still can be little selfish just for tonight.

 

Gail presses call button before she could change her mind.  She freezes as she realizes she hasn't thought of what to say in first place.

 

“Hey Gail,” Holly’s voice, full of warmth, melts Gail’s heart a little.

 

“What are you doing tonight?”

 

“Tonight? It’s past 11:30 so tonight is practically half over.”

 

“Well, it’s not over yet, so what are you doing?”

 

Holly chuckles.  “Right now, I’m just taking notes on some readings for next week.  I might start an outline for a final paper, but it is getting late so maybe tomorrow.”

 

“Final paper? The paper that is not due for at least ten weeks?”

 

“Yes. I like to start early.”

 

“You are such a nerd, Holly.”

 

Holly unleashes a fit of giggles.  “Sure, that I am.”  

 

Gail closes her eyes and listens to the giggles.  How is it possible that someone’s laugh can make everything better in the moment?

 

“Gail? You there?”

 

Gail stands up abruptly due to being caught off guard.  She really needs to learn how to not fall in her inner world, because it is getting harder and harder not to let loose of her feelings.

 

“Yes I’m here.”

 

“What’s going on? Not that I don’t enjoy talking with you on phone, but you usually have reason behind calling.”

 

“Oh. Yeah.” Gail shakes her head to get herself together.  “I’m just wondering about our project that we’re supposed to work on.  I can’t sleep and I want to get some work done.” Gail pauses.  “Come over?”

 

Gail could practically hears Holly smiles over the phone.  “Sure, Gail. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

 

 

* * *

 

“Just so you know, we got an extension on this project.” Holly mentions as she sits next to Gail on the floor by Sage’s bed.

 

Gail rolls her eyes and puts up an icy face at Holly.  “Technically, I only missed a class and I’m perfectly fine to do my work.  Seriously. Don’t go out and ask our professor to cut me some slack on my behalf.  I don’t need a knight in shining armor and I definitely don’t need you.”

 

Holly simply leans her head to her left and gives Gail a “I won’t take your shit” look.  “Maybe you don’t.  I still would appreciate the extension, since I do have other assignments I need to work on.  I have two lab reports due by end of this week, major exam next Monday, and few papers to do.  Perhaps I should go and focus on those instead of our project?”

 

Gail knows she deserves that shot back at her.  She swallows her instinctive snippy remark.  “I don’t mean it like that.  I just don’t want to feel like a victim.  That is not me. I don’t rely on others for help.”

 

Holly’s eyes soften and she puts her hand on Gail’s shoulder lightly.  “You are a victim of a crime.  That… man hurt you.  Being a victim doesn’t mean being weak.  I’m amazed at how quickly you recovered and are getting back on with your life.  Like you said, you’ve only missed a class. However, something did happen to you.  It is okay to need someone for whatever reason.”

 

Gail gets up and sits on end of Sage’s bed farthest from Holly.  She needs some space as she processes her inner thoughts.  Holly remains where she is and waits for Gail to start speaking.  The air stay still between them without a hint of tension.

 

“I still can’t sleep.  I can’t sleep for more than two or three hours without feeling his hands all over my throat.” Gail quietly confesses.

 

Holly pushes her glasses back up her nose and leans against the bedpost.  She remains quiet as if she knows Gail is not done talking.

 

Gail stares at the wall across from the bed, and afraid to look at Holly.  She does not want to see Holly’s face full of pity like everyone else's.  Even Sage acts like she's walking over eggshells around her.  

 

“I did ok while Sage was around.  She’s out with her family tonight though.  I tried to sleep alone, but he got to me fast.  I called you because you’re the only one that still treats me almost the same as before.  You don’t let me get away with this lashing out shit. Well, other than Sage.”

 

Holly hums in understanding.  Gail decides to brave a look at Holly and she sees admiration in her eyes.  Perhaps even adoration? No, she is reading too much into it.  Gail gets up and grabs a binder off her desk.

 

“Let’s get started on this stupid project.”

 

Holly simply laughs and pats her hand on the floor by her side, signaling for Gail to come back and sit next to her.  Gail obeys without a second thought.

 

 

* * *

 

Gail draws some random doodles on her notebook while Holly searches through the internet for articles on crimes against indigenous people.  Holly elbows Gail to take a look at the screen.

 

“How about this one? It’s about indigenous women disappearing in Ontario.  Apparently that has happened a lot in the past ten years and the police have not done much about the cases.”

 

Gail freezes and shuts her eyes tight.  Her heart pounding and hands clench into fists.  Holly looks over after not hearing from Gail.

 

“Gail?”

 

“No. Not that.” Gail whispers so quiet that Holly almost doesn’t catch that.

 

“Okay. We don’t have to pick this one.  It’s just a suggestion. I’ll look for more.”

 

Gail remembers the conversation she had with Sage the other day about planting seeds in people to bring more awareness about this issue.  Maybe this is her opportunity to make an effort in atonement. She takes a deep breath and leans her head against the bed.  

 

“No. We should do this one.  I know a lot about those cases actually.”

 

Holly raises her eyebrows.  “Really?”

 

“Yeah.  It’s a major problem in Sage’s tribe.  Many women would disappear at night as they leave work and walking on their way home.  Most of them are poor and they have limited to few options for work.  Its usually work nobody else wants to do.  I learned about this problem from Sage when one of her cousins was taken during our sophomore year.  Her family was so devastated and they contacted the police about it.  The police simply recorded their statements in a report and filed it away.  It was as if they have been sweeping all of them under the rug.  I got so angry. My family are cops and I was raised to be a cop.  I thought justice would always prevail and the police would make sure of that.  That was the first time I ever saw the police as flawed people.”

 

“That’s terrible, Gail.”

 

Gail nods and closes her eyes so the tears would not fall out.  “I decided to take things in my hands and do something about it…”

 

Gail walks through the entrance doors of Toronto Police Headquarters building.  She fixes the backpack on her shoulder as she approach the security desk.  The man behind the desk smiles at her.  “Hey Gail, got summoned by your mother eh?”

 

Gail rolls her eyes and shrugs her shoulder.  “What else would I be here for, Noel?”

 

Noel laughs and gestures at her to go ahead.  Gail walk past and sneaks through the stairs instead of taking the elevator she normally does when she visits her mother.  The stairs will lead her to the service door maintenance people use to get on the roof above the entrance doors.  She is already aware of the security camera in the corner above the door, but she doesn’t care about getting caught.  In fact, she banks on it.  That certainly will pisses her mother off.

 

Gail giggles to herself as she walks on the roof and take a look at the opaque glass windows covering nearly the whole wall.  Perfect for her plan.  She puts down backpack  and zip open to take out couple spray paint cans she just bought earlier in the day.  She contemplates on which to take for a minute before choosing red.  Red represents many things: blood, fury, sacrifice.  Little does she know the last meaning will stick with her forever.

 

She shakes the can and beings to spray on the window.

 

“ABANDONING THE INDIGENOUS WOMEN!”  

 

“THEIR BLOOD ARE ON YOUR HANDS!”

 

She walks over to next window and is about to start spraying third sentence before noticing a figure by the door.  She freezes and drops the can then realizes that it is Brenly standing there.  She lets out a relieved breath.  “Jesus Brenly.  You scared the shit out of me.”

 

Brenly walks over and grabs the backpack.  Gail puts out her hands in the air, silently asking him what he is doing.  He picks up the can from the floor and toss it back in the backpack.  Gail confronts Brenly in anger.  “What the hell? I’m not done with that!”

 

“Gail, we need to go.  This isn’t right.”

 

“How did you know I’m here?”

 

“I saw you at that store buying those cans.  Not exactly hard to figure out what you’re planning on doing with them, so I followed you.”

 

Gail tries to grabs the bag, but Brenly is too quick for her.

 

“Gimme and get out of here.  I don’t care about getting caught.”

 

“This is not going to help anyone.  This is not how we fix the problem.”

 

“How then?  Everyone’s ignoring your people!  Nobody’s going to listen if we just whine and do nothing.”

 

“Even so, it is not your place.  All we wanted are for your people to listen to us.  You already are, so that’s enough.”

 

Gail laughs in disbelief.  “Are you kidding me? I-“

 

Two police officers barge through the door and draw their guns at Brenly and Gail.  Both raise their arms straight up in the air as the officers rapidly approach them.  

 

“Hey! He’s got nothing to do this.  It’s all me.  He was just trying to stop me,” Gail shouts as an officer puts her hands behind her back in the handcuffs.  

 

Brenly remains silent and cooperates with the officer.  He smiles at Gail with reassurance and Gail has never felt so terrified in her life before this moment.

 

“And he’s been in prison ever since.  They actually charged him with domestic terrorism and bullshit like that… If it was me, I would’ve just done some community service and deal with my mother’s wrath.  No… I got away with everything and I never felt so stupid or helpless since then.  Not even when Perik attacked me.”

 

Gail realizes her face is full of wet and hot tears.  How long has she been crying?  She wipes away as much of the tears as she could.  Holly pulls out a tissue out of nowhere, and puts it in Gail’s hand without saying anything.  Gail brushes the tissue against her cheek and then she rubs her hands dry.  

 

“I couldn’t believe it when Sage and her family didn’t want to kill me.  They knew it was all my mother’s doings… taking advantage of our family name and pretty much our white privilege.  I hated my name ever since.  I stopped wanting to be a cop on that night.”

 

Holly lightly rubs Gail’s lower back in her attempt to comfort Gail.  “I don’t blame you for feeling that way.  You can’t blame yourself though.  You were just a teenager and your mother was…is powerful figure.  Not much else you could do really.”

 

“That doesn’t make it any better.”

 

“No.”

 

Gail considers Sage’s comments again.  

 

“We should do this one.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it is to do it the right way.  We could do the whole presentation on this issue and talk about relationship between the police and indigenous people.  We can use this problem as the reason why we need to change the relationship.”

 

Holly nods.  “Okay, we can do that.”

 

Gail is puzzled about Holly not being aware about any of this.  Isn’t she dating Sage? How come Sage never told her anything about this?  

 

“Holly?  I’m surprised you didn’t know any of this though.  Isn’t Sage your girlfriend?”

 

Holly stares at Gail in disbelief.  “Girlfriend?”

 

Gail nods.  “Yeah, I kinda accidentally caught you guys sleeping together the other night… I don’t care though.  It’s your business.. Just I want to know in advance so I don’t have to see that… Gross.  Not that I’m jealous.  I just don’t want to see Sage like that.”  Gail fakes vomiting.

 

Holly laughs out loud and lean toward Gail slowly, brushing her lips against Gail lightly for a second before whispering, “You’re insane, you know that right?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. Chatper XI

Gail paces back and forth in tight linear laps from the front door to the night stand by the bunk bed.  Sage could return at any minute now and Gail still doesn’t even have one sentence in her mental script.  She stops by the bed post and her lips tingle in amazement.

 

“You’re insane, you know that right?”

 

Completely insane, she thinks to herself.  She smirks as she remembers the kiss.  It was so light and so quick, not even full two seconds before Holly gets up and collect her things.  It probably is one of the most chaste kisses she’s ever received since a loser, Ted, kissed her under a maple tree in sixth grade.  She punched Ted of course and told him never to do that again, but Holly’s kiss punched her out of the orbit.  How is that possible? A kiss light like that to be so indescribably marvelous.  Does this mean something? Is Holly that into her as she is into her? Self-doubt begins to creeps in Gail’s brain.  

 

_ Gail blinks in astonishment as she watches Holly gather her things together.  She looks up at Holly and asks, “Wha-Where are you going?” _

 

_ Holly freezes for a second and gives Gail a dizzy smirk, “Oh, I just realized I need to start that outline and I need to at least get a reasonable amount of sleep before my busy day tomorrow. Will you be okay by yourself? Do you need me to stay?” _

 

_ Gail shakes her head, “I’m good now. I-“ _

 

_ “Good,” Holly interrupts, “I need to get going.” _

 

_ Holly turns around to leave, but Gail grabs her wrist lightly.  “Wait-“ _

 

_ They are face to face, inches apart, and tension slowly sparks in between.  Gail gets overwhelmed by the way Holly’s eyes pierce past her eyes and into her soul.  She stutters out, “I-God, this is-“ _

 

_ Holly raises her hand in between their chests, “I know.  I just had to clear up that misunderstanding you had of Sage and me.  There’s nothing going on between us.  We’re just friends.” _

 

_ Gail realizes she has not thought of Sage since they’ve kissed.  She starts to feel terrible about doing this behind her back. She takes a small step back, “She’s my friend too. Best friend.” _

 

_ Holly nods, “I know. Can’t we just end this night here? I know we need to talk about everything.  Let’s do that tomorrow night? I’ll bring dinner and you already have drinks hidden somewhere I’m sure.” _

 

_ Gail knows Holly is trying to give her time and space to process and deal with her feelings.  Holly wraps her hand around Gail’s bicep for a moment before leaving the room.   _

 

That is a good sign right? Dinner and serious conversation means Holly is attracted to Gail and wants to work it out… right? She startles a little as Sage barges in the room.  First thing first, Gail reminds herself.  Sage angrily flings her backpack in her chair and leans back against her desk.  Her head hangs low and her hands clench the desk edge.  Gail cautiously approaches Sage silently encouraging herself.

 

“Sage.”

 

Sage peeks at Gail and Gail notices the deep bags under her eyes and she is wearing the same clothes from yesterday.  Gail frowns and quietly questions Sage with her furrowed eyebrows and a single nod.  Sage sighs wearily and gets off the desk to face Gail squarely.  “What’s going on, Gail?”

 

“What? Nothing.” Gail loses her confidence and takes a step back, giving herself some space.  Sage stands in her place still.

 

“Bullshit. You have that look on your face.”

 

Gail looks away, “What look?”

 

Sage waits quietly for Gail to looks at her again.  “That look where you need to tell me something, but you’re scared of what I’ll say or do.”

 

Gail swallows hard.  She knows Sage is right and this is the moment.  She has to let everything out now.  There’s no more beating around the bush.

 

Gail straightens her back up and puts on her confident mask,  “I like Holly.”

 

Sage’s face grimaces without an ounce of surprise.  She laughs bitterly and walks back to the desk with her back facing Gail.  “Of course… everything makes sense now.”

 

Gail knows she has been acting differently around Sage lately.  Sage obviously notices and things are getting tense between them.  She wants things to return to normal-the way things used to be.  She swallows a ball of guilt and takes a step closer, “Look, I didn’t mean to-“

 

BOOM.

 

Gail flinches after Sage pounds her fists onto the desk.  Sage whips around and gets in Gail’s face.  She screams, “Enough! Of course you didn’t mean it! You never do! You didn’t mean to fall for Holly!  You didn’t mean to take over my people’s fight!  You didn’t mean to let Brenly takes the fall for you! You’re a coward and I’m sick of letting you get away with your sorry bullshit!”

  
  


Every single word hits Gail’s chest like a bullet.  She had no idea Sage felt like this.  Her mouth hangs open as she is at loss for words.  Sage’s eyes burns directly at Gail’s.  

 

“Why can’t you just let me have this one? I lost my brother because of you.  Now are you going to swoop in and grab Holly before flying away? What the fuck are you? I’ll tell you what you are…” Sage waits few seconds before spitting out every single letter, “V-U-L-T-U-R-E.”

 

Gail brushes past Sage and stands by the front door.  “So? So what? I’m a Peck after all. All I do is peck away and take people you value away right?  What do you want me to do…”  her voice raises, “go to Holly and tell her she means nothing to me?! That I was just playing around?!”

 

Thud.  Something hits the floor outside the front door.  Gail turns around and opens the door to see couple white take out boxes on the floor.  Holly.  Gail inhales as she realizes Holly probably heard her and dropped them on the floor when she left.  She feels glued to the spot as she struggles on if she should go after Holly or stay and try to fix things between Sage and her.  She’s leaning toward the hallway and turns her head toward Sage.  They watch each other in silence, their eyes communicating their feelings to each other.  Sage’s eyes soften and she lets out a sigh.   

 

“Go, Gail.  We will be okay.  Just go.”

 

Gail runs out of the room and takes the stairs instead of elevator in any hope of catching Holly.  She skips every other step in her leaps down the stairs.  She bangs her shoulder against the ground floor door and stumbles a little before taking a look around the lobby.  No Holly in sight, so she jogs over to the security desk by the entrance.  An officer is reading a guns magazine with his feet on the desk.  

 

“Sir? Did a girl just leave here?  She has brown hair and might be wearing a glasses. I’m not sure what she is wearing-“

“Slow down, ma’am.  A lot of people came in and out, so I can’t exactly tell you that.  She must have a student ID to get through the doors.  Try and call her?”

 

Gail sighs in frustration and walks away without saying another word.  She goes outside and walks around, searching for Holly at the bus stop and trails leading to different dormitories.  Not a hint of Holly in sight.  Gail wants to text her, but her phone is still in the room, so she jogs back inside and takes the elevator.  She bangs her head against the wall.  Of course, of all times Holly could’ve shown up at, it just has to be the moment Gail screams out those awful things.  She means to be sarcastic and wants to tell Sage to not make her choose between them.  Holly clearly misunderstand everything, and now it’s going to be ruined before they are able to try to start building on their recent confession.  Well, Holly admitted her feelings by giving her that kiss, but Gail hadn’t said anything to Holly about how she truly felt.  She has to do something.  She can’t just let this go and accept it as inevitable.  Not like she used to.  Sage is right, she is a coward for letting things be the way they are and complaining about it.  She doesn’t face her problems, she just runs.  Maybe it’s time to stop running and take the chance to change for the better.  

 

 

* * *

 

Gail sulks along down the hallway to her room and notices the take out boxes are gone.  Sage probably clean up the mess in her absence.  What is Gail going to do with Sage?  She wonders how can she resolve this situation.  She believes in complete loyalty, but she doesn’t want to lose her chance with Holly if there is any left.  She slowly opens the door and walk straight to her desk to pick up her cellphone.  She presses call button to call Holly just in case she will talk to her.   The call goes straight to voicemail. Of course.  She slimily sits down on her chair.  A throbbing pain appears in Gail’s temple as frustration builds up in her chest.  

 

“Couldn’t find Holly, eh?”

 

Gail quickly looks over at Sage then looks back at her cellphone in her hand.  “No. I wasn’t quick enough to see where she went outside.”

 

Gail waits for Sage to say something, then she decides to brave a side peek at her.  Sage is sitting on her chair and breaking down a green hug on the desk.  Gail feels conflicted about the two urgent situations happening right now.  She hasn’t a clue about what to do with Holly’s misunderstanding.  She is afraid the longer she leaves her alone, the harder it would be to resolve the misunderstanding.  However, she needs to fix things between Sage and her.  She cannot just leave the room with things the way they are right now.  Two important figures in her life are on the opposite direction with Gail stuck in the middle.  

 

“Wanna join?”

 

Gail notices Sage is not in her chair, but standing nearby with a rolled joint in her hand.  Guess Sage just answered Gail’s inner turmoil.  Gail nods her head and gets up to join Sage.  They walk over to Sage’s bed and lay down like they normally have in the past.  Sage pulls out a zippo lighter from her pocket and lit the joint.  Gail begins to wonder if she should say something, but she isn’t sure what.  Sage’s cough snaps Gail back to reality and she takes the joint out of Sage’s hand.  Gail decides she will tell Sage she refuses to give up on Holly. Not for Sage. Not for anyone.  Well, after she takes a hit anyway to calm her nerves.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Gail coughs in surprise.  Sage peeks over at Gail with her eyes full of remorse.  She takes the joint back then looks up at the bed above.

 

“I was an asshole to you, Gail. I shouldn’t said of those things to you.”

 

Gail shrugs.  “You’re right though. I was a coward.”

 

“Well yeah, but you were just sixteen.  I’m not so sure I could have beedn brave if I was in your shoes either.”

 

Gail sighs as Sage gives the joint back to her after taking a hit herself.  Gail contemplates on Sage’s behavior and comments.  She knows something happened.  It is not typical for Sage to blow up on Gail like that.  Did something happen while she was with her family last night?

 

“Brenly almost died.”

 

Gail sits up abruptly and stares at Sage.  “What?!”

 

Sage refuses to gain eye contact with Gail.  “Yeah. They told us that he got shanked in the kitchen where he was cleaning three days ago.”

 

“Three days ago?! And you found out yesterday?”

 

“Yeah.  They didn’t call my parents until last night when his condition became critical.  They had to call to get consent for surgery to remove his kidney.”

 

Gail’s eyes widen in disbelief.  “So they didn’t bother to call your parents for two whole days?”

 

Sage exhales before whisper bitterly, “Yeah…”

 

Sage sits up and leans against the post and gazes distantly.  Slowly, she shakes her head and slowly reveals what happened.

 

“When we got to the hospital, they refused to let us see him. They just wanted us there to sign the papers.  I yelled at this guard and you know what he said?  ‘You don’t get to see him unless he’s dead. Prisoner is still a prisoner.’” Sage pauses and shuts her eyes, then growls out, “I wanted to hit him so bad.”

 

Tears begin to fall down Sage’s cheeks.  

 

“Father moved around to stand in front of me and apologized. Mother dragged me to sit down and told me to keep my mouth shut.  All we wanted was to see Brenly.  We didn’t know if he would be okay or not.  We just wanted to see and touch for one last time if we were going to lose him.  They treated us like we were dirt. Like our feelings didn’t matter. Like Brenly isn’t worth anything. They treated him like shit for crimes he didn’t even do!”

 

Sage glances at Gail, gaining eye contact before continues, “I became so angry. Furious.  And to make matters even worse, they send him back to recover in the infirmary in the prison.  Apparently they needed to free up a room for a more deserving patient.  Fucking assholes!”

 

Gail’s hands clenches tight and anger starts simmering in her stomach.  

 

“At that point there was nothing we could do but leave.  I rode the bus alone and I just became so mad at the world. For injustice. When I got back in here and you confessed that… you were an easy target so I lashed at you.  I had to get it out somehow and I made the wrong choice. I’m truly sorry.”

 

“Don’t be.  I should’ve been in his place, so don’t be sorry for being angry.  You have every right to feel this way.  I will never stop being sorry about what happened.”

 

Sage cracks a laugh.  “I already forgave you, so you don’t need to carry the weight.”

 

Gail slowly spread a smile.  Sage turns around to squish the joint in an ashtray on the nightstand.  They both lay back on the bed in their original position.  The tension dissipates away in the air between them.  

 

Gail needs to clear the air so she asks, “So, are we good?”

 

Sage peeks at Gail before confirms, “Yeah, we’re good.”

 

 

* * *

 

Gail tests the doorknob and finds it to be unlocked, so she enters softly.  She notices the table is moved against the wall along with everything else.  In the middle of the room, Ciara is standing in front of a huge canvas with pails of paint lined up on the floor. The canvas is blank and Ciara has this far away look on her face.  Gail decides to flick the switch to flash the ceiling lights.  Ciara looks over at her direction and acknowledges her presence, so Gail approaches her.  

 

“New project?” Gail asks.

 

Ciara shrugs then nods her head in confirmation.

 

“The canvas is pretty big.”

 

“Yeah, it’s going to be the centerpiece for my upcoming exhibit.”

 

“Writer’s block…or should I say painter’s block?”

 

Ciara lets out a nervous chuckle.  “Yeah…”

 

Both begin to look around, avoiding looking at each other out of awkwardness.  Gail gets frustrated, but understands why Ciara is being nervous around her.  It’s hard to be around someone you feel responsible for causing problems.  She’s dealt with that around Sage for years, so she knows that feeling too well.  She decides to be the brave one and waves her hand to get Ciara’s attention.  

 

“I know you still feel bad.”

 

Ciara shakes her head.  “I feel worse than awful.”

 

“It’s not your fault or mine.  I felt stupid for letting this happen to me, but someone told me that being a victim doesn’t mean I’m weak.  I’m not responsible for this.  That bastard is.  He did this to me. Not me. Not you. Understand?”

 

Ciara bits her lips and wraps her arms around Gail’s neck and squeezes her into a hug.  Gail allows this for a minute, before pushing her off.

 

“This isn’t really how I communicate.”

 

Ciara lightly shoves Gail’s shoulder.  “I know. That’s how I communicate, not you.  What are you doing here anyway?”

 

Gail begins to scan the room. “Oh, I’m looking for my paintings. I need the second one.”

 

“Ah, you have someone in mind now?”

 

“Yeah. I figure there’s no time like the present.”

 

Ciara leads Gail to a corner where bunch of canvases are laid against the wall.  She points Gail to her two canvases and signs animatedly, “Good luck,” before heading back to her project.

 

Gail checks her painting’s condition before picking it up and tucks it under her left arm and heads out to her next destination.  Step one complete.

 

* * *

 

  
  


Gail fidgets with the painting and bag of takeout in front of Holly’s room.  Her hands become clammy and the painting starts slipping through her hand.  She huffs and lays the painting against the wall by the door.  This is it.  Her heart is pounding out of her chest and her stomach is turning like a hamster’s running wheel.  She mentally recites her hasty speech when the front door abruptly opens, and Holly nearly bumps into Gail.

 

“Oh-“

 

Gail lays her hands against Holly’s shoulder and the takeout bag hanging against Holly’s arm.  Last time Holly’s face was this close to Gail’s face was when she kissed her last night, so Gail couldn’t help herself when she stared at Holly’s lips.  Symmetrical top and ample bottom, and Gail knows how tender they are from experience.  She blinks her eyes and shakes her head out of her dreamy state.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

Gail puts one of her hands behind her neck to scratch tension out of her skin and the other hand, holding the takeout, down by her hip.  “Uh, I know you were at my room earlier and you sorta left our dinner on the floor…”

 

Holly slaps her face with her hand.  “Right.  I-“

 

“Wait, let me finish please.”

 

Holly nods and keeps her mouth shut.

 

“I was fighting with Sage and I’m not sure what you overheard but I said some things that you might misunderstood.  Sage is having a hard time right now with her family and she took it out on me.  Things are ok between us now, so that’s not the point.  The point is I want to continue our dinner plans.  I’m no good with feelings and all that icky stuff, but I really like you.  A lot.  I was dumb for not doing anything about it till now.  I was so worried about Sage and our friendship, that I forgot about your feelings.   I never expected you to return the affection, because I didn’t think I was worth it.  You make me feel worthy, Holly.  I did this painting while thinking of you and I wanted you to have this.  It’s yours regardless of what will happen tonight.  If you still don’t want to see me, I’ll leave.”

 

Holly grabs Gail’s hand, linking their fingers and press against her stomach, then studies the painting in silence.  Gail watches Holly takes in the familiar scenery imprinted on the canvas.  

 

Holly whispers, “Is this the huge tree we sat under near where the class is?”

 

Gail nods, “Yeah, I was freaking out and you found a way to calm me down just by a touch.  That scared me, yet I never felt so warm.”

 

Holly’s lips rises in lopsided smirk.  “I have been crushing on you since the moment I sat next to you.  I didn’t know what happened at the bar but we were having a great time and then you went off and danced with Ciara.  I was jealous to be honest.”

 

“Sage was there to see you.  I was trying to be a good wing woman.”

 

“I figured that now.  I wasn’t the only one misunderstood.  You totally misunderstood when you saw me in Sage’s bed.  I cried and vented out my frustrations. She was there listening and I didn’t want to be alone, so we just slept there.  Nothing happened. I needed comfort so she just laid next to me.  I know we tell each other things, but it was difficult for me to admit my feelings… especially with you hanging out with Ciara and I wasn’t sure what was happening between you-“

 

Gail shuts Holly up by pressing her lips against her lips and sliding her hands along Holly’s cheeks.  They open their mouth to each other’s exploration after Holly allows a moan escapes her throat. Gail pulls back a little with her hands still holding Holly’s face gently.

 

“You just had to stop talking.”

 

Holly takes the takeout bag out of Gail’s hand and uses her other hand to grabs Gail’s shirt.  She whispers, “I won’t say another word.”  

 

Gail smiles and kisses Holly again, more passionate this time as Holly pulls her in her room and the door shuts.  The painting remains by the door guarding their bubble being formed in the room.  

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .... and the story has come to it's end. Thank you all for reading and leaving kudos/comments! I might add an epilogue in future if I'm motivated enough or you guys demand one lol. 
> 
> I have new Golly story in planning stage right now, so you will hear from me soon. 
> 
> It's been a fun ride writing my first fanfic and I hope you enjoyed the ride too. 
> 
> Cheers!


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